Walking through fire
by arrowheadflyby
Summary: AU SQ. Regina Mills, Director of a local ambulance, meets Emma Swan, local firefighter, after tragedy hits.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! So, I know a lot of you were really looking forward to me continuing a lot of my Bones centered fanfics. And I'm really, really sorry that I haven't been updating them. Truth be told, I've had a rather busy year after I graduated and things just got…Well, hectic. As things do, I suppose. I drifted away from certain things and gravitated towards others.

And as many of you know, when you stay away from a work for a while, sometimes it's harder to jump back into it. And I've recently come to the conclusion that, if I'm going to start anything, I should start it right, fresh, where I have a solid idea in my mind and I can continue it without any sort of trudging. I've started to have a little more time on my hands and other ideas to accompany me.

So with that, I'd like to introduce you to my new idea. I know it's not what a lot of you are used to. I'm hoping I've improved my writing style a bit. Hopefully you will enjoy some of my new stuff and, if not, that's okay too.

Thanks a lot for everything, guys! Here's my newest idea.

* * *

There was a rule in EMS. Well, there were a lot of them, but here's one that almost every medic will know. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and it will go wrong in the worst possible way. The medic will arrive at that moment, and you can hope that maybe they can reverse it.

However, today didn't seem to be one of those days. Regina Mills was sitting in her office, connected only by hallway to the little sitting room where most of her staff were playing a rather idiotic game, Call of Duty. While everything in her body wanted to yell at them to shut that off and go do something productive, at the moment she didn't have a standing case. The day had been absolutely dead, paperwork was done, the rigs had been cleaned, duties were done. There was, quite literally, nothing she could harp on them about.

She could hear the sound of Aurora shouting, though she couldn't tell if it was victorious or if it was a should of failure, and that was almost enough to make her get up and shut off the damned TV herself. Belle could be heard scolding them, though lord knew what for, and it was only in this mess that the sound of their tones came through the radio, loud and blaring.

"Page for Station 59, St. August responders, St. August Fire." Already, Belle and Kathryn were grabbing their things, pen and paper in hand to write down the address, making their way to the map. "Structural fire on 1633 State Street. 1-6-3-3 State Street. Caller stated flames seemed to be spreading quickly."

Regina, already halfway out the door to check on the address, instantly froze at the numbers. Belle was looking for the location, but Regina shook her head.

"I'm going." Almost instantly, Kathryn poked her head up.

"What?"

"I said, I'm going. It's at Henry's school. I'm going." There wasn't a real urgency, simply a statement of fact and authority, and even though most of the station was currently carrying water and ice into the rig, a few paused for a brief moment to look at Mills in what could have been pity.

"I'll follow in the Medic vehicle, then," Aurora offered, giving a small smile. "You'll need more than a few hands."

The fact that there was a possibility of an MCI crossed her mind, and as she hopped into the passenger side with Kathryn buckling in besides her, she went onto her phone and sent a mass message to the majority of those not on call, before she grabbed a computer, logged in, and laid her head back.

"Turn left here," she instructed to Kathryn, knowing the navigation by heart. Despite the fact that Kathryn knew it, she didn't say a word. She's picked up Henry more than a couple dozen of times, when Regina was stuck at the station later than usual. Phillip used to joke that he was like the station mascot, asking question after question and using their old Xbox to form a bond with most of the medics.

"State Street is on your right. Turn there."

And then, there was the school. Regina had to remind herself that she couldn't just hop out, run to the scene and take a head count, but it didn't change the fact that when Kathryn parked away from the scene she wanted to tear her hair out. Of course they had to. The fire trucks had to have first access. But that didn't mean she felt good about it.

At the very least, it seemed as though teachers seemed to have taking them out and away under control.

And the sirens rang, and the red trucks pulled in. In the back of her mind, she could remember bringing little Henry to see the trucks when he was only four, when she could place him on her shoulders and he would look on in awe at the vehicles. When she had to explain that, no, she hadn't driven one of these in years, but a long time ago she had, and he would clap his hands and hug her tight.

Now her little boy was twelve, her little boy wasn't so little anymore, and who the hell knew where he was.

"Regina. It's okay. He'll be fine. They practice these things all the time, now. They know what to do."

"And you know, as well as I, that people tend to forget what they know when they panic." She was staring at the flames, already burning her eyes, before she had to look away.

"Henry's a smart boy."

"Yeah. I know."

There was a moment of pause where the two of them continued to look on, and even though she could feel Kathryn look over at her more than once or twice, she decided not to look back. Aurora had parked the medic vehicle across from them, and when she stepped out made her way to the rig before knocking on a window.

"So, we're supposed to be using Blue as our station to communicate with the Chief, but keep the radio traffic down to a minimum. We can set up a recoup area over in that school garage, they think it'll be far enough away. Phillip and Belle are coming down with another rig on standby, we got a couple people coming in to cover our area."

Regina nodded curtly and jotted those things down before tapping her foot. Her attention was brought, almost immediately, to the sound of a clearly female voice over the radio. The display, "Red", told her that it was an active firefighter, and while her ears rang when the information hit her, she tried to focus.

"So, uh, there's some kids in here. I'm gonna try and take 'um out. One of 'ums down. Advise EMS." There was a crackling. "I'm gonna need an extra set of hands here, Killian."

Perhaps it was good, to be able to work, to be able to get out and start preparing things. To start hooking up O2 and getting saline ready. Still, Regina was faltering ever so slightly, and when Aurora noticed, spiked the bag for her.

"Come on, Director. Just another call, right?"

She didn't want to respond to that.

* * *

Emma had been sleeping when she'd received the call. Working part time as a firefighter didn't exactly pay the bills, so at night she would work at the bar and in the morning she would make her way to the station, crash in one of the beds and finish any paperwork later. She hadn't exactly gotten a lot of calls in the small town. So it typically worked pretty well.

When the tones went out this time, she'd jerked up and reached right automatically, the response she would have given in New York when she'd been working there. The change, the fact that most of her equipment was to her left now, threw her off guard for only a minute before she hopped up and started to get ready.

Killian was already in the drivers spot, waiting for the rest of the crew to get in.

"What's up? I didn't hear most of the page."

"Pretty big structure fire up in the school district. I imagine we'll be there all day."

"It's…What, Tuesday? Think we'll get lucky and all the kids played hooky?"

Killian snorted. "In your dreams, love."

There was a sort of double chance when you played with fire and kids. On the one hand, every firefighter that she knew wanted a structure fire. It was the sort of the thing that they dreamed about as kids. Something that would take forever, a real danger, a real adrenaline rush. At the same time, the fact that there were kids there always made her just a bit more cautious.

"Light it up," she said, before grabbing the radio and calling them in route, sirens blazing moments later. Driving through traffic was a sort of forte of Killian's, though small town traffic wasn't really anything compared to what she'd seen in New York. The smoke was rather obvious, they didn't really need to map it out, and Killian seemed to know just where to go anyways. When they pulled in, she gave a quick update to dispatch before starting to suit up.

"Alright, so. Chiefs gonna check in with the teachers out here, see if they notice anyone missing, try to bring some calm into this mess. And as soon as the other pumper gets here, we'll be good to go in."

She nodded, pulling on her oxygen tank and getting her mask ready, helping Killian do the same as the rest of their crew got ready. She grabbed a rope, threw it to Killian and started to tie each other together. The rule-Never lose contact of your partner. You get lost easy in a fire.

"Ready, love?" he asked, before starting to seal the mask.

"Ready."

And they were in.

Fire is a sort of mysterious beast, and there's the reason that so many people are drawn to it. It's brutal, it's mean, but at least it's honest. It devours everything, indiscriminately. With them in the building, Emma remembers this. And she doesn't feel scared.

The two of them stay connected as they go through the halls, checking every room for anyone. And it's only when she reaches the last door in that hallway that she sees a body through the wreckage. She has the hose, already pumping, and aims it away from the body as she approaches, trying to keep the flames at bay.

It's a group of kids. Fuck. At least some of them are trying to get out. She gestures, pulling on the rope to let them know to grab onto it. One, the first body she saw, isn't moving.

"So, uh, there's some kids in here. I'm gonna try and take 'um out. One of 'ums down. Advise EMS." There was a crackling. "I'm gonna need an extra set of hands here, Killian."

Killians in there in a moment, and taking a head count.

"Lead the way out. I'll grab the kid."

"You sure you got him?"

"I'll tell you if I don't."

The kids coughed as Killians started to lead them, and Emma bent down to pick up the kid. Small. Lanky. Easy to carry, at least.

"Ready to go."

Killian led the way, his head ducked down as he plunged through the smokened halls, and by the time they got out, the kids coughed and whined.

"I'll take them over to the ambulance okay?" Emma stated, already taking off the rope and leading them, the little boy resting heavily on her shoulder. She didn't want to look at him. She didn't want to see his face, not yet.

"Okay, you guys? These are Medics. They're gonna take care of you, okay?"

"What 'bout Henry?"

She assumed that was the kid in her arms, and she gestured to the other ambulance. "I'm going to bring him over there, okay? He'll be taken care of."

She still didn't want to look at him, so instead she walked quickly to the other vehicle and stared ahead. When the met the eyes of one of the medics, she almost stopped dead, because she could have sworn she saw tears.


	2. Chapter 2

The tears were a surprise, but Emma's view of that particular medic was blocked the moment the other one came into view.

"Bring him into the back." Emma nodded, and it was only when she crawled into the side door of the ambulance and set the boy down on the cot that she got a good look at him. His hair was covered in soot, not unlike hers would be by the end of the day she guessed, and even though his eyes were shut he appeared far from sleep. She hadn't even thought to check if he was breathing, but when her eyes traveled to the chest, it was making rapid movements. Without thinking about it, she went to check for a pulse, and even though it was rapid, it was there. The woman that had been crying moments earlier came into the little space and was already attatching a mask to him.

"So, here's what I got," Emma stated, starting into an action that she had done often in New York but not so often here. "We found him and his class in the school, the room was in pretty bad shape and they were trapped. Class is over with your guys, getting checked out. He was down on the floor when we found him. Classmates say his name is-"

"Henry," the woman cut her off.

"Yeah. Henry. You know him, I'm guessing?"

"You could say that. Grab some blankets for him. Now."

The action was automatic, and while Emma reached for them and started to cover him, they were trying to attach him to machines, rather unsuccessfully.

"I don't think those will work. He's going to-"

"Thank you so much for telling me how to do my job," the lady snarled. The other medic gave a brief, apologetic look before looking for a line. Emma could hear a soft whine from the boy, and while the woman seemed to freeze for a moment, she went right back to her work.

"Regina. We're going to have to start driving. Shock." Regina. Okay. Emma could connect the face with a name now, at least.

"Get Aurora. I'm going to need another set of hands back here. In case-"

"I can help," Emma offered, and Regina shot her a disbelieving look.

"Contrary to popular belief, not anyone can just hop into the job. And don't you have a fire to fight?"

"I was an EMT-Firefighter in New York. My license is still valid. I can help."

There was only a moment of hesitation before a quick nod to Kathryn.

"If you so much as falter in what I tell you to do, Kathryn will pull this rig over and you two will switch spots immediately. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Go code three."

And then, with that, they were off. Emma had almost forgotten what it was to ride like this, fast and visceral with someone else there who could be dying. It was an addicting feeling, and while she didn't know if she liked it or not, she wasn't about to complain.

"There's a combi in the top right drawer. I want you to grab it just in case. Ambu is right next it. Get it ready, check it, and if anything happens I'll have him ready to go. You're familiar with shock procedure?"

"Yeah. I'll get started with that."

And the weird thing, for both of them, was that for a second they forgot that they were complete strangers. Emma was a bit rusty, but she could remember the basics, she could remember that as long as he was breathing and his heart was beating everything was okay for now, and even though the whimpering sounds the kid made only made her heart ache for him, she could block them out and focus on the fact that, at the very least, he was alive.

"There's a narc box in the left. Open it and find Sublimaze."

"Fentanyl?"

"He's in pain. So yes. Fentanyl."

She pulled up the vial and handed it to Regina, who glanced at the lettering and the date before starting to draw some up. "Watch him. Carefully."

It was so deliberately slow, so when finally it was done and Regina had thrown the needle away in the sharps container, Emma was almost afraid to look at the clock. However, the kid seemed to fine, he seemed to settle moments later, and his breathing seemed fine.

"I was scared he was going to stop."

"Which is why I told you to watch him." She glanced up at Emma and then back down at the boy, running her hands through his hair almost too carefully, and Emma found that as she sat down she had the urge to do something to try and keep him calm. She grabbed his hand loosely, and bit her lip as she looked down at him.

"He's so small."

"As most children are, you'll find."

"I know that. It's just…I don't know."

"Aren't a fan of pediatrics?"

"Who is?"

Regina gave her a curt nod and sighed. Almost on cue, the lights and sirens were cut off, and they were in a garage. Kathryn opened the back doors and lifted the tail, before gesturing for them to come out and help her.

The rest flashed by. Give a report, walk out, hope the kid would be okay.

"So," Emma started as she approached Kathryn. "When things cool down we'll have to see if the school has a record for who this kids parents are, and then talk to them, right?"

Kathryn raised a brow and looked down at her paperwork. "Oh, that won't be necessary."

"What?"

"You were in the back with his parent, kid."

"Wait, what?"

"That," she said, pointing at the room where Henry, no doubt, would be out of in a few minutes. "is Henry Mills. The medic you were in back with? That was Regina Mills. Lucky you weren't torn to shreds. I think that's what she was looking for."

"Why didn't you-"

"Stay in back instead? Because that wasn't her call. She wanted to go for a reason. And I have zero doubts she did anything differently than what she would have done for any other kid."

Emma nodded slowly and then leaned against the counter.

"I should probably get back on scene, shouldn't I?"

"We'll, if you don't want James on your hind end, then yes. It would probably be a good idea. We have to go back, anyways. Get in the rig."

"What about Regina?"

Kathryn looked back into the room and then back to Emma. "I'll swing by later. I have a feeling she'll be needing some coaxing to eat."

"We're just gonna leave her? Won't she pissed?"

"Would you be?"

Emma nodded her head before she started to shake it, and then just shut her eyes tight. "Okay. Just. Give me a second, okay?"

"What? Are you going to talk to a wolf when her packs wrecked?"

"No. Yes. I just…" Emma sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Just a sec."

She poked her head into the room, where she could see Regina leaning against the wall, watching doctors and making some comments. She only poked her head up to notice Emma for a brief moment.

"Hi. Me and Kathryn are gonna go back on scene. We can swing by and pick you up later?"

"That sounds…Acceptable. Go back to your fire, Miss…"

"Swan. Emma Swan."

"Miss Swan." It was a very quick dismissal before her attention was back on her boy, and Emma nodded slowly before backing out, and turning to face Kathryn.

"Let's go back."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, thanks a lot for the great response already, guys! I honestly wasn't expecting it at all. Feel free to leave reviews if you want, but don't feel too pressured ^^ Anyways, onwards!**

* * *

"What's your name?" Emma asked as soon as she jumped into the passenger side. Kathryn started up the rig and then glanced over, raising a brow. "I mean. I didn't really get a chance to ask. With that hectic scene. And I figured, since we might work together again later, it'd be good to ask."

"Kathryn. And you're Emma, from what I just heard."

"Yep." She nodded slowly and opened the window, just a tad, trying to get rid of some of the smell that was only just hitting her now. She was used to the smell of burning, it was etched into her mind now, but the fact that it had clung so closely to the kid made her heart ache. "Mills is your partner, I'm guessing?"

Kathryn pulled out, staring directly ahead. "Well, no. Aurora's actually my partner." Emma gave her a weird look. "She followed us in another vehicle. Regina used to be my partner. A few years back, when she first came here. And then she got the director position, and I don't think she ever really looked back. I don't know if she really hated being a medic, I know she loved it for a while, but I think she was starting to burn out a little. And with Henry and a few other things going on, well, she didn't really have time for a hectic schedule, you know? So she just settled into that and went on calls when we needed her."

"So you weren't kidding. She went on the off chance that Henry got hurt?"

"She went in case any of those kids got hurt. But yes. I'm sure Henry was a driving factor." Kathryn glanced over at Emma before turning her attention back on the road. "She might not seem it, but she has a soft spot for kids. And she's honestly one of the best medics we have. Definitely one of the most well trained and experienced. I can't say I've had a lot of other partners that are just willing to dive in like she is."

"Huh," Emma muttered, looking out the window to distract herself. The sun was starting to set, and she had little doubt that in the time since she'd left the scene, things were probably dying down at the school. The radio traffic was starting to silence itself, and less and less she heard the familiar words of her colleagues on the radio and instead the traffic from surrounding agencies to dispatch. A comforting thing.

"Sorry you missed most of your fire. James won't be too happy, I'm guessing."

"It was considered an MCI. So. You used your available resources. That's what I'll say." Kathryn smirked.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you wanted to be in the back. What, a fire not enough excitement for you?"

Emma shrugged. "I did a lot of things like that back where I was from. I guess it's just a hard habit to break from in such a small town setting. I don't know. It's just weird to me that everyones not cross trained here. That's how we used to do it."

"Where you from?"

"New York."

"Ah. New York Fire. The Harvard for people like us. Why on earth would you leave?"

Emma didn't really hesitate, because she knew what she was going to say and she knew she was going to say it. Still, she paused before saying a word. "Life changed. That's all." She left it at that.

When they pulled in, Emma's guess had been right. Her crew was cleaning up, and she could see James addressing a group of kids and a couple teachers. The kids from the class, at least, were all away from the ambulances and back with an adult, and she hadn't seen anyone else at the hospital. She guessed parents would be taking them there later during the night to get checked out, or else they'd just let it be and thank god that nothing was worse.

Killian saw her and waved her down, so with a short jog she made her way up to him.

"Aye, Swan. Ya disappeared on me." He didn't seem too angry, not even really confused. More amused than anything. "Ya missed all the fun."

"Save any other kids lives?"

"Naw. It was cleared out after that first class. Rest was run of the mill. Chiefs livid, by the way. Wants to know who the hell authorized ya to go."

"I informed him on the radio. That's all I thought we needed," she stated, and Killian grinned before clapping her on the back.

"I thought you were the one that was good at following orders, Swan."

"Yeah, well. Things changed. That kid needed serious help." Killians features darkened only momentarily before he nodded, starting towards the truck as things started to slow down.

"Lad's gonna be alright?"

"I don't…I don't know, honestly. He wasn't doing very good. I've seen kids come from worse, but I've seen them crash a lot harder, too. Damn, Killian, he was just a kid."

"Mills kid, on top of it. I can't imagine any of us will be living in a very good world if anything happens to the lad. Only family's she's got, I hear. And lord knows we don't need any more of a feud between James and her. It just got over with."

"Huh?"

"Oh. Her and Chief are always on each others necks. It's nothing to worry about too much, love, just don't stick your nose in it." Killian glanced at his watch. "You're done, right?"

"Yeah."

"Have to work tonight?"

"Nope. Night off. Thank god. I don't know how many drinks I could mix after today." Killian laughed.

"I imagine you'll turn down my invite to have a few, then?" Emma looked over at her partner, almost suspiciously, but let it go rather quickly. Killian meant well. And it wasn't really his fault that he had a habit of hitting on her and other girls. It was just something he did. And lord knew she needed a drink or two after today…

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be going. Just going to grab something to eat and head home."

"One day, you'll take my invitation, Swan. And you will love every minute of it." He grinned and then parked the vehicle inside the garage before getting out and starting to take off most of his gear. Emma followed suit, dusting off her soot covered hair before doing the same to Killian, grinning as he smoothed it out only moments later. It was hard to stay on a straight and narrow track when Killian was around. She could say she'd moved to change, but the fact was that it was always tempting to hop back onto the bandwagon that had been her life in New York.

"Room's vacant if you want it for the night," Emma called out to him, gesturing up towards the little set of bareks they always wrestled over when night time came. Emma was happy, at least, that many didn't much care for them during the day. A fight was nice, yes, but it certainly wasn't something she was looking for when she was beat down exhausted.

When she got into her car and turned it on, she sat there for a moment. Telling herself it was to let the bug run a bit before she tried her luck on the road, Emma ignored the nagging feeling in the back of her mind that was really keeping her rooted. The feeling that she should really check up on Regina and the little boy, if only to drop in. She'd said, after all, that her and Kathryn would pick her up later, not just Kathryn. Wording be damned. Regina probably didn't care at all if anyone came right now.

What was she thinking? Emma hardly knew this woman, and certainly this woman hardly knew her. Emma glanced at her watch and then looked back up, as though time were really a factor.

She supposed, at the very least, she could stop at the station and see if Kathryn knew anything. Right?

Right. Totally normal. It was part of a recoup process, she told herself. Finding out what happened to your patient was normal.

The drive to the station was a mere three blocks, but it felt more like miles. Seconds felt like hours. The fact was that she was driving to territory she hadn't treaded on in years. Well, she supposed she had already made footprints that had been washed away years ago fresh again.

That made it a bit easier.

The doorbell ringing, however, was awkward and unusual for her. She was used to always having access, always having a code, and now that she didn't she felt suddenly unwelcome. A face appeared in the hallway as she stood awkwardly, waiting for him to let her in before she chickened out and walked away.

"Can I help you?" An unusual accent hit her ears, and she had to pause to try and figure out exactly what it was. When nothing came to mind, she spoke.

"Is Kathryn around?" He looked perplexed, and then shook his head.

"No, they just got a call, actually. She'll probably be back in a couple hours. It's a transfer." He looked at her as though he wondered if she even knew what that meant, and she nodded curtly before starting to back up. "You need a message passed on?"

"Was just wondering if she'd heard how the kid at the fire today was doing. I, uh. I was an extra set of hands today, I guess."

A look of understanding suddenly graced his face. "Henry. You're the one that saved the boys life."

Almost immediately, she felt herself warm, and she shifted uncomfortably. "Well, no. I mean. I got him out. But that's just standard procedure. I didn't really do anything."

"I hear different. But whatever you say. I won't argue. Want to come in for a bit? It's a bit hectic, I'm afraid, we're a bit overstretched today. But we'd welcome company such as yourself into our humble abode."

Emma shook her head rather quickly and was starting to back out instead. "No. Thanks, but I really do have to go. I guess. Nice talking to you? Mister…"

"Grahm. Just call me Grahm. Hey, you're welcome to stop by anytime, alright? You took care of one of our own. We owe you."

"Trust me," she muttered, shaking her head as she turned around. "You don't owe me a thing."

* * *

The drive home was a rather long one. She lived out in the country, in a sort of shut in she could call home. She tried to distract herself with the sound of music, but with almost every note she was reminded of the boy. It was comical, really. She'd had a million patients in her lifetime, and this one kid was sticking in mind. She passed the hospital and briefly considered turning in, but continued past. It wouldn't be worth it.

Of course it wouldn't be worth it. The woman, Regina, would think her mad for checking in. And who knew what kind of condition the kid was in. Was he still in surgery? Was he breathing alright? How much was he hurting? How much were the meds taking away any sort of pain?

Fuck.

A quarter of a mile out, she had pulled off to the side of the road and started a U turn back into town.

She was crazy. Regina was going to think she was absolutely nuts.

Emma didn't know if she disagreed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Shorter update before work! Thanks a lot again guys, appreciate everything!**

* * *

"Are you just going to stand there and stare at me or would you like to sit down?" Regina asked, not looking up from her book. Emma fidgitted nervously at the door and then stuck her hands in her pockets. There was little sign that this was about to be a good encounter by a long shot, but at the same time she wasn't about to just retreat because Regina Mills was a tad bit intimidating.

She made her way into the room and then looked around before lowering herself into a chair carefully.

"You really could have cleaned up, Miss Swan. This is, after all, a sanitary place." Emma glanced down at herself, ran her hands through her hair and looked down. Ah. Still some soot. Of course. Well, that was embarrassing. She was sure she smelled like ash, probably a bit of burned up plastic in there too, but then she couldn't really excuse herself now.

"I was just driving by to get home."

"And you decided to pay me a visit. How nice of you."

"Well, Kathryn had to go on a call and I figured that you'd probably want some company, right?" Regina looked up only briefly, and if Emma had seen correctly she was pretty sure there was a hint of an eye roll. Emma slouched in the chair and crossed her arms over her chest uncomfortably. "Doesn't really look like you need it, but. I don't know. I didn't really want you to be alone right now."

"And why on earth would you think that being alone would bother _me_ , Miss Swan?"

"You can call me Emma…" she started, but Regina gave an indifferent shrug to that little comment. Miss Swan it was, she guessed. "I mean, you're kids in the hospital. You _treated_ him. It's not like it happens every day."

"Miss Swan, you should know as well as I, if your credentials speak up like you said they do, that there's a very good chance that you'll end up treating someone you love while in the field."

"Yeah, but not your kid. And I heard you don't go in the field very much anymore, so, I don't know. I thought…." She saw Regina freeze, and in that instant Emma regretted saying a word.

"You thought what, Miss Swan?" Cold. Callous. Whatever sort of reluctant partnership they had formed before, it was gone now. "That you would come here and keep me company and perhaps it would qualm my sorrows? Do tell me, why exactly would you think that _you,_ of all people, could provide any sort of comfort to me?"

Emma didn't know. She hadn't really thought that one through. "I was just worried about Henry, is all. And I figured worrying about Henry meant worrying about you."

"Miss Swan, I must say, your thoughts on the matter are very, very off kilter. My son is currently on an operation table. His lungs are full of smoke, which I'm sure you know, doesn't lead to good things. He's scarred, he went into shock not long after you left, and I'm damned sure that if you gave a single thought about him, you wouldn't be concerned about me right now."

"You're his mom. Of course I'm concerned-"

"Why?" she snapped, suddenly closing the book and, somehow, managing to keep a bookmark there at the same time. "Because we spent a mere ten minute ride in the back of an ambulance together? Do you think that suddenly makes us _partners_ , equals? Are you hoping for some kind of remembrance of the past, Miss Swan? Because I can assure you, that ten minutes means nothing, and you should damned well know it. You did well enough, but just because you helped, it does not make us equals, or partners, or friends, god forbid. You just met me, Miss Swan, and I doubt very much that we'll be meeting again. So why don't you cut your ties, forget about my son, and go back to whatever hobbit hole you've been living in, because I don't need an extra set of doting hands hovering over me. I can take care of myself, and my son, just fine. And I imagine you can do the same."

With her hair riled up, with her eyes dark and cold and menacing, and yet somehow equally angry, Regina Mills almost looked, comically, like a cartoon character on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Or a killing spree.

"Look, Regina. I don't want anything from this, and I didn't assume anything from the ride. I just…I was worried, that's all. I worry about a lot of people but usually can't check up on them. So I just figured that I'd check up on him and, in the meantime, you. I'm sorry if that made you upset. I can go." She started to get up and Regina watched her, hawk eyes, until she was halfway down the hallway.

"Miss Swan, wait." She stopped mid walk, automatically going into a parade rest without turning her head. "Thank you. For getting Henry out. I don't know what I would have done if…"

Emma turned around, nodding slowly. "I get it. It's just a part of the job. But thanks." She started away again before Regina raised her voice.

"Miss. Swan." Punctuated. Almost annoyed. "What I meant to say was….You're more than welcome to stop in whenever you'd like. Today just wasn't a good day for me. But I'm sure when Henry's awake he'll want to meet you, regardless. So. I suppose it wouldn't hurt if you wanted to come by again."

Emma looked over at her, this woman who had looked so mad only moments before suddenly looking broken, confused, her body slumped against the door frame as if she needed the support. Tired eyes, The eyes of someone that had seen too much and done too much and was too damn stubborn to admit it.

"Yeah. I'd like that. Look, uh, Regina. I'm gonna grab some grub. Do you want me to bring you anything while you wait?" The thought of food hadn't even occurred to Emma before now, but she remembered Kathryn's words, _she's going to need someone to coax her to eat,_ so Emma supposed that it wasn't the worst idea in the world. Regina smiled wanly and shook her head.

"No, it's alright. Perhaps next time?"

Emma didn't fight it, instead nodding and turning around, deciding that tomorrow morning she'd come with some breakfast and coffee to try and make up for the ordeal.

"Sure. Next time."

And she walked away.

* * *

Regina hadn't even really noticed falling asleep until she heard the sound of spinning wheels and hushed whispers around her. Almost immediately, she jerked awake and looked around, fearful and confused as to exactly where she was at this time of night and why on earth she was sleeping on a chair. Until she laid eyes on little Henry, safely back in the bed and attached to monitors.

"Miss Mills. Terribly sorry to wake you," a nurse muttered.

"No, no it's fine. How is he?"

"He's stable. He'll be sedated for a little while to keep his pain down, but Whale is positive he'll end up alright."

"Whales the ER doc tonight?"

"Yes. I could grab him when he gets a spare moment if you want to talk to him?"

"No, no. It's fine. Just. As long as he's alright for now."

The nurse gave her a small smile and nodded. "He's fine. You did well with him in the back. I don't know many that would have thought that fast if it were-" she cut herself off and then shrugged, backing off. "Call if you need anything."

Regina nodded before repositioning her chair closer to Henry's head, and hesitantly ran her fingers through his hair before laying her head back. Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

"Todo saldrá bien , hijo…"

Henry didn't stir, his movements stilled by drugs. Her little boy, who tossed and turned in his sleep, who sprawled out on the bed and snored oh so loudly. This wasn't like her little boy, and it ached something terrible to see him like this. It was a tearing sort of feeling, the type of thing that ripped it's way into your heart and tried to destroy you from the inside out. The most unpleasant of things.

"It'll be all okay," she muttered, this time in English, before setting her head in her hands and shaking her head. "It'll be all okay."


	5. Chapter 5

**Just wanted to say thanks a lot again guys! I appreciate everything!**

* * *

Harder, faster, longer. Back when Emma was still in the service, she'd muttered these words to herself over and over again. It was a cadence, something that could be remembered, and something that could get her through most of her hardest days. Worker harder, work faster, work longer, go, go, go. The fact that she was now chanting it to herself as she got ready for the morning ahead of her was only a further tribute to the fact that whatever had happened was getting to her head. And she needed to get rid of it as soon as possible.

After breakfast, maybe.

She'd picked up her keys and prayed that her little bug would start, that it wouldn't stall and she'd be stuck at home for however long it took for the little thing to figure out what it was doing. Luckily, it gave a short kick before it burst into life, and she sighed in relief before pulling out of the driveway. The rising sun was a nice contrast to the darkened forest, and the fact that every ray seemed to reach out and, at the very least, attempt to embrace everything in the light was always something that gave Emma a small piece of mind.

She'd attempted to make some scrambled eggs, but in the end had simply settled for some muffins, nothing fancy, nothing home made, and two cups of coffee. She supposed, on the off chance that the kid was up and understanding of what was going on, she should probably have grabbed something for him. But she doubted that would happen. She'd seen a lot of kids bounce back fast, but not within a day. Not when they were like that.

A blackened, hardened skin. Dead cells on top of each other, building, scarring, hoping to repair. Usually causing more harm in the attempt than what would have happened otherwise. Black lungs from inhaled smoke. Curled up and no longer doing their job. Oh, how many times she had seen that picture, the picture of why one should always have an ample supply of O2 and why a firefighter should never go in unarmed.

The civilian that had not a chance because they didn't have any protective measures. The things that they don't tell you in those stop, drop and roll seminars. It usually isn't the fire that kills you. It's the smoke. The things that kids don't understand. Breathing suddenly becoming more difficult, every breath seeming more necessary than the next, but always more impossible. The way your heartbeat speeds up in an attempt to get oxygen through your body. The adrenaline.

The fear.

They don't teach kids those things because oh, how could you teach a child what they don't know? And why on earth would you expose a kid to something they may never experience? What's the chance that a fire will strike and an adult won't be able to help you? Don't play with matches, kids. Stay close to an adult, kids. And if that adult freezes? Well. You're just in deep shit then, aren't you?

The firefighters will save you until they can't, until it's too late. The Paramedics will work you until they can't, until it's too late. A fire engulfs everything and there's only so much you can do. A heart stops or lungs cease to work and there's only so much you can do.

(When a heartbeat stops, Swan, it's usually for a reason. There's only so much we can do.)

Sometimes there's nothing. Sometimes all you can do is whisper to the family that it's too late and tell them to say goodbye. Sometimes they'll yell and scream and sometimes they'll cry, and sometimes, well, you won't know what to do. So you'll stand there and take it and hope for the best, hope that they'll heal when you finally leave, hope that they understand and don't try to sue you from grief. Hope that they understand that really, you did what you could.

Henry hadn't been like that. He was well within saving limits. He was in shock, there was no denying that, and no doubt his skin was full of dead cells and his lungs wouldn't be the same. The parts of his hair that had burned would grow back. There were bigger problems to worry about. Maybe he'd have COPD later in life. Maybe he'd get an infection and he wouldn't be able to fight it, or maybe he'd fight it and maybe he'd win. Maybe he would go into shock again and his system would shut down. Maybe he'd be just fine.

So many maybes. So few solid things in this world.

Pulling into the hospital parking lot, Emma thought about these things, and there was the nagging thought in the back of her mind. She didn't want to get into this. She didn't want to get involved. She didn't know what was going to happen to this kid, and if anything happened to this kid, she didn't know what would become of his mother. She might be just fine, or she might not be. She'd seen plenty dig themselves into holes over things like this.

Why on earth was Emma getting involved? She could easily skirt away, no harm done. She wasn't entangled yet. She had put a single string to attach to these people's lives, and if she snipped it clean than maybe there would be no notice.

But then, she found, she couldn't just leave. She couldn't just snip it. It was a weird feeling, for someone that had been breaking ties for most of her life, but she found that the harder she thought about pulling away and making a break before a tie was even started, the harder she felt the pull to go back.

Perhaps it was fate. Perhaps it was her conscious.

Sighing, she grabbed the tray and the coffees and started in, not even bothering to ask what room as she counted the doors and went into the same room as last night. She tried to be as silent as possible as she set down the tray.

Mills had fallen asleep sometimes throughout the night, her head close to little Henry's, her hand lingering towards his. She imagined that it, much like his chest, was blackened, and the thought made her sick. At least he was well wrapped. And at least, it seemed, he hadn't fidgeted alone last night.

Emma had done a good job of remaining silent, right up until the moment that she sat down. The chair screeched loudly when she sat, and just as soon as she had cursed herself Regina was awake, her eyes alert and aware, the look that Emma had gotten used to among firefighters. Waking up wasn't a struggle for many. It was a shot, loud and clear. Wakening, for many among her, was like a shot of adrenaline to the heart.

"Miss Swan," Regina stated, nodding in her direction. "I didn't expect to see you around so…Early."

Emma shrugged. "I have to work tonight. And I figured you'd want something to eat."

Glancing over her shoulder far too easily for this time of the morning, Regina raised a brow in the direction of the muffins.

"You're telling me you brought breakfast?"

"And coffee," Emma added awkwardly, wishing suddenly that she was standing up so she could hide her hands. "I figured you probably hadn't left his room."

"Hmmm."

"I mean, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to. It won't hurt my feelings any. It's just packaged muffins, anyways. Didn't take that long to make."

"You made muffins?" Regina asked, turning her attention back to Emma. "For a stop into a hospital?"

"They're good," Emma defended, and for a moment she thought she saw a hint of a smile on Regina's face. It disappeared as quickly as it had come.

"Well…Thank you, I suppose. And any coffee from home would have to beat what they have here."

"Yeah. That's what I figured."

They sat in silence for many ticking seconds later, the sound of a heart monitor and oxygen running the only break. Emma swore she could hear her own heart beat louder in her ears than what the monitor was telling her about Henry, and she was certain that wasn't a good thing.

"How is he?" Emma broke the silence, not sure exactly how else to proceed. She'd spent a fair amount of time in and around hospitals, much more time than she'd ever be likely to admit, but the talking to family thing had never been her forte. She'd always left that to someone else.

Asking about Henry's condition could easily be deadly waters. Especially when she could probably figure out a lot of it on her own. BP was normal for a kid his age, but that didn't mean a whole lot. Kids have a tendency to stay level and normal for a long time. Compensation, it's called. Kids do it a lot better than adults. One glance at the nozzle on the O2 tank showed her that he was running on 10 liters, which wasn't abnormal.

Still, there were things she couldn't figure out just by looking at him.

"He's recovering. I imagine he'll be going through much more in the next couple of weeks. They want to keep him sedated to keep agitation down." The frown on her face told her that Regina didn't like it one bit.

"That's a good thing though, right? So he doesn't stress himself out?"

Regina nodded, but stayed silent for another painfully long time. Emma could almost see the gears turning in Regina's eyes, and she seemed to be struggling with what to say next.

"He's never still."

That told Emma much more than she'd thought she would hear from Regina Mills. She knew how many nights she'd spent watching over younger kids while she was overseas, she knew how many nights she'd watched over new firefighters in New York. It wasn't the same. Of course it wasn't. A new coworker was not the same as a kid.

Still. In a way, she could understand. A sudden change meant bad things, and Mills had to know that. How horrible it must be, to look on and see a change in your child that you thought you'd never see, especially like this. How horrible to see a kid that moved and tossed in his sleep suddenly frozen, like a messed up version of Sleeping Beauty that could not be woken up by true lovers kiss.

How awful to not be able to do a damned thing about it.

"Tell me about him," she said without thinking about it. It was the first thing that had come through her mind, and without a filter she suddenly found that she thought that it might help.

"Excuse me?"

"Tell me about him. Like. What's his favorite sport? Or favorite movie? Just the trivial stuff."

"Why?" She could see suspicion leaking into Regina's eyes, and Emma kicked herself. To push into the lives of a place where she didn't belong must seem rather rude.

"I just…I figured it might make me understand him a little more. I don't know him at all."

While the suspicion was still there, she did slowly nod, taking her sweet time before reaching for the coffee on the counter.

"What do you want to know?"

"How old is he?"

"He's twelve." Short, sweet. To the point. Emma wondered if all of the conversation would be like this.

"Sport. What does he like to play?"

"Honestly, not much. He has a basketball hoop that he uses occasionally. But he's much more into reading."

"Favorite book?"

"I couldn't tell you anymore. He used to be very into comics. Lately, he's been more interested in retelling of old fairy tales, though god knows why."

"Like what? Wicked Witch of the West?"

"Like…Yes, I suppose. Something like that."

"Best class is English, then?"

"In fact, yes. Though he's a very good student. He excels in a great many things."

"Sounds like you have a lot to be proud of, then."

Regina hummed softly and touched his shoulder gently, as though she wanted to ease some sort of pain he wasn't showing.

"I suppose I do."


	6. Chapter 6

It went on like that for weeks. Emma would stop by the hospital with some coffee and something to eat. They would talk to each other for a good hour. The coffee would be downed, refilled with hospital coffee, and the food untouched. They would talk politely for a while, then move onto Henry, and Emma would leave when the hour had passed to go on with her day.

The going on part was the hardest.

It seemed that, with every visit, it became harder to focus on every day events. She found her thoughts drifting back onto Henry and, to more of an extent, back on Regina. Regina, who somehow still managed to sit upright despite the fact that Emma was unsure how much time she spent away from the hospital. Regina, who still worked on paperwork from the station despite the fact that her son was still lying next to her, still from drugs. Regina, who managed to keep every hair on her head straight despite the obvious stress. Regina, who never once mentioned herself or her own worried about the situation.

Emma wondered how many days and night would go by before her thoughts passed on the woman. Before her curiousity died out. Before her nights in bed wouldn't be spent thinking, thinking, thinking about this woman.

 _Get out of my head._

That was the thought that came rushing by the second that anything seemed to be creeping up into her thoughts. Get out of my head. Regina Mills, did not in fact, belong there. She was meant to be a bystander, a coworker in a sense of the word. She wasn't supposed to be lingering in Emma's thoughts, in her feelings, in her actions. Regina Mills was supposed to be far, far away.

Still. She invaded. She took over. And Emma found this harder and harder to deal with.

"Swan! What the fuck are you doing?"

Emma dropped the hose that she'd been using, which sprayed a rather large amount of water towards James. Instantly, she fumbled back to shut the water off, far too late to actually fix anything. He glared a her as he flicked the water off of himself in slow, twitching movements, and Emma found herself standing stock still waiting to be yelled at.

"Well?"

"Sorry, Chief! I just, uh. I was washing the rigs."

"You were standing there spraying the same spot for a good five minutes. Care to explain?"

Emma swallowed, still as a rod. She didn't have an explanation. At least, not one that she'd be willing to hand off to James. 'I was thinking about the woman you supposedly hate.' She supposed that wouldn't go over so well.

"Well, sir. I was just…Thinking."

"Think on your own god damned time, Swan. Wasting tax dollars just standing there."

She nodded, bending down to grab the hose and pointing it away from him. "Won't happen again, sir."

"Better not."

He turned around and stocked out. When he was long out of view, Emma leaned against the garage wall and laid her head back, groaning in annoyance with herself before she kicked the cement blocks that surrounded the walls. Damn it.

"Swan!" She stiffened immediately, waiting for Chief to come back and start yelling. Instead, she saw a dark tuff of hair and the stubble of a beard appear in the garage door. Killian. She hadn't thought she could be so relieved to see the man in her life. "Care to tell me why Chief is bonding around muttering to himself under his breath?"

"He's crazy?" she offered as an explination, but seeing the light smile on his face, lightened up. "I may have sprayed him with the hose."

"On purpose?"

"On accident. I've been thinking a bit too much, I guess. Too far into my head?"

He nodded in understanding and hopped up onto the front of the truck, something he had frequently been told not to do but did despite.

"Thinking about overseas?"

Emma blinked, not expecting to hear that as an explanation, and shook her head. "No. I haven't really thought about that in…Well, a pretty long time."

"What then? A handsome lad on your mind?" He flashed a smile in her direction.

"I guess you could say that."

His demeanor relaxed immediately, as though he was glad they wouldn't be discussing anything deep, and he patted the spot next to him as an invite.

"Care to tell me who's on your mind, love? If it's little ol' me, I wouldn't be the least bit insulted. Believe it or not, many ladies have fallen to my charm."

Emma snorted, hopping up next to him and then laying down, her hands behind the back of her neck. "Not exactly you. Sorry, buddy. You know my stance on dating partners."

"Aye, but it doesn't mean you don't find me mighty attractive, no?"

"You're great, Kil. Really. Just. Not you."

He nodded and leaned forward so that his elbows were on his knees as he stared ahead. Perhaps, if they were off shift, he would have a beer in his hand and offer it to her, she would drink and hope to forget everything.

"You gonna tell me who, then?" His face contorted. "Don't tell me it's David."

"Chiefs brother? Hell no."

"Thank god. I think I'd have a heart attack right here and now."

"Myocardial infarction," she rattled off immediately, and then scolded herself when she saw Killian give her a weird look. "That's like, the medical term for heart attack. Myocardial infarction. We had it pounded into us when we were trained."

"Aye. I tend to forget. That was your job over there, right?"

"Yeah. Right."

There was a long silence, silence that was much more comfortable than any silence she had yet faced when talking to Mills. Which made sense. She'd known Killian for longer. Hell, Killian was her partner. They'd better damn well be more comfortable around each other.

"How 'bout Peter?"

"Nope."

"Scully?"

"Nope."

"God forbid, Chief?"

"Fuck, Killian! No!"

"Am I even on the right track here? Is it someone I know?"

She had to think about that for a second. Yeah, Killian knew of her. But that didn't mean much. It wouldn't cross his mind to mention Regina.

"Yeah. You know 'um."

"'Um', huh?"

The pronoun game. She'd tinkered with it frequently in high school. How often had she used the most general word possible when talking about a crush, girl or guy?

"It's not like…I'm not crushing on anyone, Killian."

"'Crushing'?"

"You know what I mean," she said, nudging him slightly with her leg. "I just. Someone's on my mind, is all. It's not that big of a deal."

A look of understanding suddenly crossed his face, and Emma could have darted away right then and there to avoid the rest of the conversation. This wasn't one she wanted to have right now. She didn't want to talk to Killian about this particular matter.

"Mills? You're thinking about Mills?"

"Look. Can we just drop it?"

"Drop it? You're thinking about Mills and you want me to drop it?" The look on his face didn't show horror or anger. It was more like subdued surprise. "Is that why you're coming in late every day you're on? Why you aren't sleeping? Because of Mills?"

Emma kicked the air and shrugged, rolling over to her stomach in a quick motion.

"Swan…Come on. Talk to me. Why Mills?"

She didn't know, and that was the thing. She didn't know why Regina was coming into her thoughts so often. It certainly wasn't their personal discussions, because they didn't really talk about personal things. Occasionally, her life would come up in conjunction with Henry's, but mostly it was just about him. She probably knew more about the boy in a hospital bed than she knew about the woman who stayed glued besides him.

"I don't…I don't know, Killian. I really don't know."

As if a sign from the angels themselves, the sound of their pagers went off the instant she finished the sentence. Killian pushed himself off of the rig immediately, and Emma followed, starting to suit up and jump into the rig. Garage door open, maps out, truck started. Out they went with a short message to dispatch.

"St. August fire needed at 2041 South Main. 2-0-4-1 South Main. Vehicle vs. vehicle. No patients on scene. Police are on scene. Possible fuel leak. Repeating the page…"

Emma sighed. "Just another day in paradise?"

"Aye, love. Just another day in paradise."

That was perhaps the best thing about talking while at work. Social issues went out the door the instant that anything went out. Your focus couldn't be on what was going on in your head. Your focus had to remain on the situation in front of you, and who could be at risk.

It was, in fact, Emma's favorite part of the job.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey! Thanks a lot for all the input guys! Really appreciate it!**

* * *

The next day, Emma trudged into the hospital loyally. The nurses gave her a knowing nod, not so much as questioning her presence anymore, before she went into the room. She had expected to just sit down, as she did almost every other morning, to see a sleeping Regina. Unlike any other morning, however, today Regina was up, she was pacing around on the phone talking in a hushed tone, quick responses, clipped voice. Emma almost walked out. Almost.

"Yes, yes, I understand _why_ you can't come in. Okay. Fine. _Fine._ I'll. We'll figure something out. Yes. Yes, okay." She pulled the phone from her ear and clicked the end button before dropping the phone on the table and slumping down on her chair, shaking her head.

"Everything alright?" Emma offered, raising a brow. Regina, who seemed to be utterly focused on what had been going on in the call, looked up in surprise when Emma voiced her presence.

"Miss Swan. I suppose not. Grahm isn't going to be coming in today and we aren't exactly full staffed today and…" She cut herself off. "I'm going to have to go in."

"Well. That's alright, right? Henry's in good hands here." Regina looked up at her and for a second, with that cold, distant look, Emma was certain that she would run away. But no. It faded just as quickly as it had come.

"They've been pulling him off sedation. So he's been waking up more frequently. I don't…I really don't want him to wake up alone."

Emma slowly sat down, as if it were just another day, before thinking fast and talking faster.

"I can stay with him if you want." An amused look. "I mean. I know I'm not you, obviously, but we can talk like. Comics or something. I think I've learned enough in the past week to get by." She grinned a little bit and then crossed her arms over her chest. "Just until you can get back or whatever. If you want. I know I'm not you, but I'm someone."

"He doesn't know you, Miss Swan."

"I'm a friend. If he's nervous about me, I can just get a nurse or someone to come in and explain it, right? And you said he was pretty trusting."

Regina raised a brow with the mention of being a friend, but said nothing more. It seemed like she had run out of options. So she nodded and stood up. She held her hand out, and for a second Emma thought she wanted to shake, but when she went for the gesture Regina shook her head.

"You're phone. I'll put my number in. If he wakes up, just shoot me a message."

Emma fumbled, looking through her pockets until she found her phone and handed it to her. Regina typed it in quickly, as efficient as always, and then handed it back.

"He'll be fine with me. I promise." It was the sort of promise that was empty in most senses, because Emma didn't actually know. All she knew was that she had thought quickly, and she might be regretting it later. Still, with a short nod Regina started to leave, trusting her boy to someone she had only met a mere while ago.

"Thank you. You're…Effort hasn't gone unnoticed."

Emma smiled reassuringly at her before she was alone in the room, with only beeping machinery and a boy she didn't really know. For a few minutes, she just sat where she had, before she switched seats for the one next to the boy.

Well. This was fun.

She reached for one of the many books that Regina had hauled in here with her before her hand lingered over a stack of comics that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. She hesitated before grabbing the first one in the stack.

How ironic. Captain America. The only thing she knew about that was what she had seen in the movies, and to be honest, she hadn't paid much attention to those, either. It wasn't for lack of interest. She just had a hard time taking a movie hero seriously, even if it seemed like that one had a lot more in common with her than she'd like to admit. She paged through the comic, stopping occasionally to read something that sounded interesting. It passed the time, at least.

"What're ya read…reading?" The sudden noise in the room made her jump, dropping the comic in the process. She picked it up quickly and set it down on the table next to her, looking around to see who had talked to her before her eyes locked with the boy she'd said she would watch. His eyes were open, though they seemed to be drifting back to close every so often, staying shut longer than what a blink would allow.

"Ah…Captain America?"

"Which one?"

Emma wasn't sure. She didn't even know how to look for that information. So she shrugged when she saw him open his eyes long enough to look at her.

"I don't know, kid."

He accepted this, nodding and letting his head fall to the side. "Do you know where we are?

Well. That was an easy question to answer. She nodded and looked around. "We're in a hospital."

"Are you sick?"

"Not…Not quiet, kid. You got hurt pretty bad and your mom had to go to work…So I said I'd stick around to keep you company."

"Oh…" Perhaps it was good that he still had something in him. He didn't seem to be in pain, but he was aware enough that he could talk to her. He wasn't confused, but he was in a state of mind that let him shrug off a whole lot of information. He wasn't questioning anything. "My names Henry."

"Henry. Yeah." He gave her a blank look. "Oh. Right. I'm Emma. I'm, uh. A friend of your mom's."

"You're a medic?"

"Well. No. Not really. Not anymore. I'm a firefighter. I'm the one that got you out of the school. You remember what happened at all?"

The boy shook his head, instead deciding to stay silent in the mark of everything that was happening around him. He accepted it, though. Emma could see that much. She wondered if it was better, him not knowing anything. She certainly wouldn't want to remember being caught in flames.

"Okay. Well. That's alright." He nodded, sleepily again. "You can rest if you want. I wouldn't mind."

"Not tired," he muttered, and Emma could have laughed. If it weren't here, if they were just normal people who were living around each other, if she was just babysitting this boy, then maybe it would have seemed normal. It would have seemed like a kid that just wanted to stay up late to watch whatever TV show he was into.

"Okay. What do you want to do, then?"

"Can you read to me?" The request was also so normal that she didn't hesitate to pick up the comic on the pile and scotch over towards him. "Whatever you were reading? I can tell you what…What one it is if you read to me."

"You want to help me with my comic book knowledge?"

"It's important," he insisted. Emma held back a chuckle before she nodded again and propped the comic between them. She really doubted Henry would be spending much time looking at it, and it wasn't as though comic books could be easily portrayed through speech alone. It was better than staying here silent, though.

When she was done, it seemed that Henry had drifted asleep again, and she moved to put the comic book back. When comfortable silence had come back into the room, he talked again.

"That was 21."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It was one of the first ones I ever read."

"That's a pretty early comic, huh? Didn't it start…In the fourties?"

"It was my grandpa's. Mom let me read it when I found it in the attic…"

She nodded slowly and reminded herself to be careful with it, just in case it was worth something. Which, she wasn't so sure it would be. It looked like it had been heavily read, paged through a couple million times. It was worth something to the kid, though, so she wasn't about to do anything stupid to it.

"What's your favorite superhero?" she asked, even though she had long since heard that bit of information from Regina. Wolverine. It was better than Superman, she supposed, though she still couldn't get the hype around it.

"Wolverine."

"Awesome. Love the claws." She stuck her fingers out and curled them as though they were claws, and swiped playfully at him. Henry gave her a weird look before he giggled, and let his eyes drift shut again.

"You don't really know much 'bout superheros, do you?"

Emma almost defended herself, but then remembering that it was a little kid in front of her, shook her head.

"Yeah. I didn't think so. That's okay…I can teach you."

"Think you're mom would be okay with that?"

He gave her a wide eyed, serious look. "It's _superheros_. Of course she'd be okay with it."

She chuckled and leaned back into her chair, reminding herself not to put too much weight into it just in case it tipped. They seemed to have no short list of topics they could discuss on the matter, but sooner than later Henry was falling asleep again, what was left of his hair falling into his face. Despite the pinkish nature of his skin that told her that his face, too, had been burned, he still looked babyish. Still smooth, still young. Not yet a man-not even close. The rasping behind his every word told her there was damage there, that his lungs were going to be messed up for a while, but he was talking at the very least, and it hadn't altered any of the high pitched noises that she associated with young boyhood. He seemed…Well, alright.

Emma found herself drifting as well, her mouth shut tight as her head hung behind her.

She'd found a half decent resting spot.

* * *

Dreams were a constant in her life. Back in Afghanistan, whenever a buddy had asked her how her day was going, she would respond with a frown and a simple, easy to remember phrase. "Living the dream."

Of course, most of the time it didn't feel like a dream. It felt like cold, hard reality. It felt like a kick to the shin, it felt lonely, it felt isolating. And it was only when her NCO, Stabler, responded that she understood some of it. "Yeah. Living the dream. You know, nightmares are also dreams."

She always tried to avoid them whenever she was in a public place. Of course, they were hard to avoid, but she'd learned tricks to wake herself up if she figured it out. At the station, there were times when she would bolt out of her bunk, her face drenched in sweat as she tried to erase them.

Having any sort of dream in a hospital was not her ideal spot.

It was the normal sort. Laying in her bunk. Explosions. Waking up, grabbing her M16, running with her unit to a cover spot. Kevlar on their heads. Morter, dust. So much dust. So much dust that clung to her skin and wrapped around her nose. Inhaling it. Coughing. Coughing again. Thinking about damage. Thinking about pain. Thinking about death.

Oh, so much dust.

Crawling. Trying to get away. No escape. The FOB ain't so safe now, is it? Get out, get away. Come out and fight, come out and play. Come on. Don't be a god damned coward.

Her unit falling around her.

Remembering that none of it is real. Or at least, that none of it is memory.

Wake up.

Her ribs hurt by the time she jerked awake, the motion of breathing too heavily suddenly taking it's hit. It felt like there was a gas all around her, but of course, that wasn't the case. She was in the hospital. At home. She wasn't a soldier anymore, she was a firefighter. The danger was passed.

Emma glanced around, trying to familiarize herself again with the place, and when her eyes met Henry, it felt as though she had swallowed a rock. He was looking at her with glazed eyes, not confused but simply aware. She wondered how long he had been watching her.

"Monsters try to get you?" he asked, and oh the compassion in his voice. The empathy.

"I…I guess."

"Monsters chase Mom, too. She says she can scare mine away, but they're harder when they know you." He took a moment, and it seemed like they were catching their breath together, as though they had just run a marathon together. "She say's I help fight 'um, but I don't really know how. I can try for you, too?"

Emma gave a weak smile and shook her head. "You got your own battles to fight, kid. I'll be fine."

"Superhero's always put others first."

"Well, then you'd be one fine superhero, kid."

He shrugged, letting it go. Just like that.

Had she ever been like that? So easy to just let things go?

She didn't think she'd be falling asleep any time soon, so she went to her phone, thinking that she could surf the web for some information about whatever comics Henry seemed to be interested in, just in case he woke up again and wanted to talk about that. What she saw instead was a single text message from Regina.

 _Hope all's well. Quiet here, so feel free to call if you or Henry need anything._

She needed a drink, but she doubted that Mills would bring such a thing into a hospital. So instead, she shot back a simple message and hoped that the day would end fast so she wouldn't fall asleep again.

 _It's fine. Henry's woken up a few times. Talked about comics._

And monsters, but she supposed Regina wouldn't want to hear about them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Ahhh, such a good response! Thanks a lot guys! This is probably the quickest I've ever had any sort of following on one of my stories, and I really appreciate it. As always, any input is also very much appreciated!**

* * *

The wind blew hard and fast against the building, but Emma didn't notice. She was on her cot, head in her hands, tears running down her face. Damn it. She'd finally had something good, and she'd just fucked it up. It was gone. Everything was going to be gone within the next few months, and it was all her fault.

Stabler knelt besides her, one hand on her knee as she wept. His eyes were full of compassion, not pity, which was a reason why she loved having him as an NCO so much. Damn it. She was going to miss him. His stupid morning talks, his attempts to bring up moral. His jodies on long runs. Emma was going to miss it all.

"Swan…It'll be alright."

He didn't understand. This had been her last chance, the last opportunity she'd had to redeem herself. This had been her chance to make an impact on the world, and now it was all slipping through her fingers like the sand that swirled around them. She wasn't like other people, she didn't have anything to go home to other than the Army. There was nothing left for her outside of the green side.

"I don't…I don't know what I'm going to do, Stabler…I don't have a fucking idea."

"You're going home, soldier. That's what you're going to be doing." She shook her head rapidly, tears falling faster now. No, no, no, she couldn't do that.

"They aren't going to take me back, Stabler…"

"I know. You'll be discharged upon arrival."

Emma let out a sob, shaking her head, continuing .Stabler rotated his position onto her cot, putting a hand on her shoulder. No, they wouldn't do that. Emma was a fantastic soldier, they couldn't just kick her out because of this, that was ridiculous…

"Yes. Swan. You'll be discharged. You can try for an appeal, but I wouldn't push it. They'll keep it honorable. But you don't want to test them."

"I…I don't have anything else I can _do,_ this is all I've ever been good at, god damn it, I can't fucking…"

"Swan. Listen to me. This is what will happen. You'll arrive on base. They'll have received why you're back, and they'll get the information. They will discharge you. They'll look at accomplishments, status, whatnot. They will give you the paperwork, and you will hand in your uniform, and you will be a civilian."

"Stabler…

"And then you will go back to New York, and you'll find a home there until you have the ability or want to move."

"I…I'll be homeless, I-I don't…."

"Shhh. Swan. It's alright. I know some people in New York. They can help you."

"I'm not going to a fucking shelter, Stabler, I-"

"Swan. Listen." She stopped, the command evident in his voice. "I know some people that can help you out, but you have to be open, alright? I'll give you a set of numbers to call, and you'll call them. One can set up a place for you until you have a steady income. Another will help you decide what to do about your current…Condition. And then I'll give you the number to my old Chief. His name is Adams. He's a good man, likes military stature. He can set you up with work."

"Doing what?"

"What I did. He can help you get your fire training, and you already have your EMT training. He can help you get whatever you need to make a living. He's an old friend, I need you to trust him." She looked up to him, still watery eyed. "Swan. I need to hear that you'll trust him."

"What if I can't?"

"Then trust me. I can help you, but you have to make the call first. Alright?"

"C-can't you just pull some strings to keep me in? Can't you just…I don't know, wave your magic NCO want and fix it."

He gave a sad smile and a shake f his head. "Swan. We both know that isn't how it works."

She broke down again, falling onto Stablers shoulder as he wrapped a hesitant arm around her. "It'll be alright, Swan. Many people have done the same thing and succeeded. I believe in you."

"Swan? Miss Swan?" A shake of her shoulder. "Miss Swan, for the love of god, wake. Up!"

She jerked awake, realizing that she was still in the hospital. Night time had since fallen, the window adjacent to her as black as ink. She looked up at Regina, who looked vaguely worried, and reached up to touch her own face, which was wet with, what she supposed, were tears.

"Miss Swan, if I knew you were prone to nightmares, I wouldn't have let you stay with my son."

Emma got up rather quickly, ready to get out of there as soon as possible so that she wouldn't have to talk about this with Mills, but it seemed like fate was against her. Regina was blocking the doorway.

"I-it wasn't a nightmare. I just…I was thinking."

"And talking about it, none the less. What on earth were you dreaming so vividly about, anyways?"

"Just memories. Look, Regina, I really have to go."

"You were sleeping mere minutes ago! What, does my presence intimidate you?"

"No. Yes. I just really can't stay here right now, not knowing that Henry could have heard-"

"Heard what? You babbling with yourself? You weren't exactly coherent, Miss Swan, and he certainly doesn't understand half of what's going on around him right now. " Regina's eyes softened. "Sit down, Miss Swan. Relax. I won't hurt you."

Emma swallowed, and lowered herself back down into the chair. She reached for her shirt to dab off the tears that ran down her face, but when she found she must have taken off her sweatshirt sometime during the day and now all she was wearing was a tang top, she decided against it.

"Not exactly reasonable attire for a hospital, Miss Swan."

"It got hot." Even though she didn't remember taking it off, that was probably the reason. Remembering tended to make her warmer, as though she were back there.

"Hmm." Regina studied her for a moment before her eyes landed on Emma's right arm, and she raised a brow. "Does your Chief realize you're tattooed?"

"As long as it's covered, they don't really care."

"Which, as I clearly just demonstrated, is not covered at the moment."

"I'm not on shift."

Regina studied the insignia on her arm for a brief moment before she pulled her eyes up again, meeting Emma's. "Yes. I suppose you aren't. You're free to do what you want in your free time, aren't you?"

It seemed like a trap question, but Emma nodded anyways. Regina gave a very short nod and then leaned back, going to her phone as though the entire conversation hadn't just happened. Emma thought that may be her call to leave, and so she started to get up. Without so much as looking away from her phone, Regina frowned and spoke.

"What on earth was so important that you felt the need to permanently stain your skin with it?"

She at the tattoo and back at Regina , who seemed more involved with her phone at the moment. A curious glance above the device, however, told Emma that she had some sort of an audience.

"It was my unit. In Afghanistan."

She raised a brow. "Branch?"

"Army."

She hummed softly and clicked through her phone. "Rather interesting life you've led there. Soldier turned EMT turned firefighter turned kid sitter. Is there anything you aren't good at?"

"I can't cook."

"Well. We learned that a long while ago, didn't we?"

Despite the fact that it was obviously meant to be an insult, Emma snorted and looked down at her lap. How ridiculous was that? She was being insulted by Mills and yet she was laughing.

Regina smiled before frowning again. "My son seems to be under the impressions that we should fight each others monsters. Care to tell me what that's about?"

Emma hesitated. She'd hoped Henry wouldn't bring it up, but she couldn't really blame the kid. It wasn't his fault, being drugged up and whatnot.

"He just saw me have a nightmare. And he said you had them too. Said you told him they were easier to face if they didn't know you. His words. Not mine."

Regina's amusement was gone, her face soft and contemplating instead.

"He's, uh. Quiet the story teller. Get that from you?"

"Me? No. Not at all. I don't think I could tell a new story to save my life."

"His father, then?"

Regina remained silent, and it seemed as though they had breached into a subject that they shouldn't have breached into.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"No, no, it's fine. Henry didn't get a chance to meet my husband. He died about a month before he was even born."

Now it was Emma's turn to stay silent. She kicked the air, cursing herself for not thinking. Killian had said that Henry was Regina's only family. Emma wasn't sure why she had even brought it up.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine, dear. Don't worry about it."

But it was apparent, from the far off look in her eyes, that Regina was worrying about it. Perhaps there was a speckling of would be tears in there, but Emma couldn't tell. It wasn't as obvious as it had been the first time she'd seen the woman cry.

"I can, uh. I can leave."

"Miss Swan. If I wanted you to leave, I'd have said so. I said not to worry about it. So don't."

Emma bunched her fists and looked down awkwardly at her lap.

"Trust me. This isn't the worst conversation I've had. Far from it. It's just a very old wound, is all. It's nothing for you to concern yourself with. Just as your past is nothing for me to concern myself with. Alright?"

Emma hesitated before nodding. "Yeah. Alright."


	9. Chapter 9

There was smoke everywhere. And no escaping it, save for the oxygen bottles they had strapped to their backs.

When the call had gone out, Regina and her partner were on standby, both half asleep and in a daze. However, the panicked tone over the radio made them jerk into action. Daniel had gone for the keys, already in ignition and on, and they had lurched forward without another thought in the world. There was one thing that kept Regina on edge.

"Your mom will be fine, Gina. I promise." Regina wasn't so sure, herself, but it was impossible to call home and figure out if she was in or out of the office today. Even more impossible was the trying to figure out the radio traffic, the constant signals coming in. For a second, she wondered if there was training, and if someone had messed up and not used a private channel. It was in vain. As they got closer to the location, she could see the smoke.

 _The World Trade center, tower 1, was hit by a plane. We'll need all available resources._

Shit.

Daniel parked, sweat already starting to pour down his face as they got out. Regina, still young and fresh out of school, jerked towards the scene before Daniel caught her. "We need to figure out what's going on first. What they want."

Oh, how things fly when disasters happen. Getting information, being told where to go, get in there, be careful, watch out for your own back.

"Come on," Daniel muttered, already suiting up. Regina nodded in agreement, and even though she hadn't started to shake, she knew her eyes were wide, terrified. "Mills. Come on."

Smoke, so much smoke, go in, go in, get as many people out as you can, move, move, move, move.

Soot covered face, masks put on survivors, help them get out, forget about yourself. Service before self. Service before self.

Coughing.

So much death.

"Wheres D…"

Wake up.

Nothing dramatic ever happened anymore when Regina woke up. She didn't jerk to life like she had so many years ago. She just stayed. There wasn't ragged breathing, no sound of terror in her voice. It wasn't so much that she had gotten over everything, it wasn't that the memories, the nightmares, didn't scare her. It was the fact that she had relived it enough that her body had adapted. Most of the time, anyways.

There were times when Henry had found her in a cold sweat, crying, and he'd sat at her bed with his legs crossed, holding her tightly and offering her a stuffed dog for comfort. There was the time that Kathryn had woken her up when they were still partners, when they were in the rig and Regina had fallen asleep deep enough to dream. When Grahm had spent the night at her house and she had woken up screaming, and he had left her to calm down a terrified Henry.

Now, mostly, she awoke with a need to cough deep in her lungs, a relieving of the urge, and a ducking of her head to hide any tears that needed to escape. A glance at Henry to make sure that he hadn't woken up and noticed.

He was sleeping soundly. The mask was off of his face now, the burns starting to heal. He would be okay to leave soon, doctors told her, and even though she wanted nothing more than her boy home, a part of her wanted to tell them to keep observing him, make sure that nothing went wrong before he came home.

A knock on the door frame made her glance, and the words, "Miss Swan…" were on her lips before she could stop them. Except that it wasn't Emma, it was Kathryn who was coming in, out of her uniform, in street cloths. She sat down without an invite, looking at Regina carefully.

"Sleep well?" Her voice was much softer than Emma's would have been, and it was only a reminder that the other blond wasn't here.

"I…Yes. Very."

Kathryn nodded, even though her eyes gave away the fact that she didn't believe her, that she hadn't thought Regina had had a good nights sleep in a great many weeks. Maybe longer.

"You should really take a break. Henry's stable now. He'll be okay."

"I can't just leave him alone, Kathryn, you know-"

"I know. But I can stay here. I need to spend some time with my god son anyways, don't I?" Kathryn offered the smallest of smiles and leaned forward. "You, on the other hand, need a good drink, a good time, and a good rest. Before the rest of the city is more afraid of you and they go charging for a new director. Which, to be frank, I don't think I'd trust with much of anyone else."

Regina's gaze lingered on Henry before she tore it away. "I don't really do the whole drinking, having a good time thing anymore. You know that."

"Maybe you should start. You don't have to keep punishing yourself, 'Gina."

The statement was like a punch in the gut, and she looked down at the floor when Kathryn brought it up.

"It's been years. A long, long time. It's not your fault that Daniel-"

"Don't. Don't say his name. This isn't about him, this is about Henry."

"Henry's growing up."

"You don't need to remind me." She looked up at Kathryn, who sighed.

"It's something that we do. We take them in, we raise them as best as we can, and then they go off into the world. That's what we all do. You don't need to look after him all the time. He's not going to slip away."

"Everyone else did." A soft, spoken fact. A broken sentence, said by a woman who said she could never be broken. "I almost lost him. The same way that I lost D…The same way that I lost Daniel."

"Daniel didn't die in a fire, Regina."

"He died in violence. And I couldn't…I couldn't imagine Henry dying in violence."

Fire was violence. It was angry, it was biting. A force that humans thought they could control and so often failed at. It was, in a way, the thing that every human feared about themselves. Perhaps that was why they wanted to control it oh so much. Because fire was so human, so essentially human, that it hurt just to touch it.

"I know that you think that this is best. That you think keeping him close and not letting anyone but him near you the best option…But it's not. He could chose something that will lead him to the same things that your choices led you to. And you have to let him do it. Because he will resent you otherwise."

"I don't need your input," Regina snarled, curling her hands but refusing to look up at the woman.

"And so will everyone else. Regina. Pushing people away does the same thing."

"Perhaps that's how you figure out if they're worth it."

"But how do you know unless you give them a chance?" Kathryn studied her. "You have me a chance. A great chance. What happened?"

"You know what happened. You were my partner. We didn't have a choice."

"You had a choice. Professionalism is one thing, friendship is another. Why did you give me a chance?"

She thought back to those days, to spending time together in the rig. She thought of the time when she had introduced Daniel to the town, clad in uniform, happy to be there. She remembered Kathryn bringing over a beer when things had gone to hell.

"You wouldn't leave me alone." It wasn't mean, it wasn't dripping in venom. If anything, it was a sort of good job gesture. So few people refused to leave her alone, most just drifted away in the second that they got close.

"That's it?"

"I don't know, Kathryn. Maybe."

She nodded and got up, placing a single hand on Regina's shoulder. "Go. I'll watch Henry tonight. He can kick my butt at some video game that you, undoubtedly, would disapprove of, and we'll pretend that you know nothing of it in the morning. And you'll have a good time today. It'll be fine, Regina. It might even be fun."

With a reluctant sigh and another lingering glance at her son, Regina pushed up from her chair and walked out.

* * *

Emma stretched out on the couch inside the fire station, glancing very briefly at the TV and then at the recliner. Killian, who had been asleep there not an hour prior, was now gone. Rubbing her eyes, Emma pushed herself up and slowly started down the hallway, hoping to find someone to grab a bite to eat with before they got unlucky enough to get a call.

The beeping sound of the code being pushed in made Emma turn her attention to the doorway, and there was Killian, holding up two bags to display proudly to her before walking in.

"So," he started, stretching out one of the bags to her. "I got us both a sandwich. And chips. And if you don't like it, love, I would appreciate you not saying a word."

"Double meat?"

"Oh, you know it love." A wink. She shoved him lightly, grabbing the bag and setting it down.

"Shut up," she mumbled, unwrapping it and taking a large bite, hoping to preoccupy herself with eating so she wouldn't have to talk. Killian was sitting on the table behind her with his feet on one of the chairs.

"Now, I must ask, why on earth were you not late to the station today?"

"Got up late," Emma mumbled after swallowing, taking another bite. Killian didn't seem to grasp the hint.

"Is that so? Alarm clock didn't go off at 3 so you could stay at the hospital until 7?"

"Something like that."

"So why not stay there until 8? Or 9, for that matter?"

"I'm on call."

"Doesn't stop anyone else in this town."

She snorted. No. It didn't. People went on with their business and did what needed to be done when it needed to be done.

"Trouble in paradise, love?"

"It's a hospital. I wouldn't call it paradise."

That got a laugh out of him, though lord only knew why. "I thought for certain you'd have at least attempted something with Mills by now, and if you have and I haven't heard about it, then I'm hurt and disappointed to not be in your loop."

"There is nothing. She's not interested."

"You asked?"

"No. But she's not too interested in the friendship thing so I can't imagine there will ever…" she trailed off and looked at Killian. "Not that I want anything, anyways."

"Oh?" He smirked.

"Yes."

"Weird. I could have sworn that's what you were going for."

"Well. It's not. I just thought we could be friends. But that isn't going so well. So. I might as well stray from that."

"Something happen?"

"Yeah, yeah something did happen."

A long silence. "Are you going to tell me what it was, or…."

Even longer. She focused on eating her sandwich before she tore into the bag of chips and shrugged.

"She's just so damned….I don't know what's going on with her."

"Her son's in the hospital. I'm sure that's very stressful."

"And he's okay. He's being pulled from meds, he'll be home soon. Damn it, Killian, we're the ones that got him out of the fire, the least she could do is give me the time of day."

"She is. I don't know many other strangers that she'd let into his room."

She paused at that, taking her time to observe the cheeto in her hand before chewing and swallowing.

"She's lost a lot, Swan."

"Yeah, well. So have I. Which she'd know if we ever talked about anything without it becoming, inevitably, awkward."

"Some people can't deal with it as well as others. You know that just as well as I, love."

"What the hell happened to her anyways? What gives her the free pass?"

Killian seemed to hesitate. It seemed like something he didn't know if he should talk about, if he knew much at all.

"Well. From what I've heard, and I've heard very little, New York wasn't kind to her. She learned a lot from that. And then she moved here with her husband. Died overseas, he did. Not sure which branch he was in. Want to say Marines, but I could be wrong. And then she got little Henry. There's more in there, I know that much, but it's mainly hushed around the town."

She didn't say a word for a while. Well. It explained a lot. Not everything, but a lot.

"Story sound at all familiar, Swan?"

It sounded hauntingly familiar, but she saw it from the other side of things. Like their lives paralleled each other to some extent.

"I just…I don't know what to make of her, is all."

"Aye…That's the hardest part of knowing someone, isn't it?"

She was about to say something when the doorbell to the station rang, and Killian was swinging his legs around to get down and take it. She could hear brief conversation but decided not to stick her head out and check it out unless she heard anything weird.

"Aye, she's here."

And that was her cue.


	10. Chapter 10

**Again, thanks a lot to everyone! Know that I'm trying to improve a lot as I go on, and I'm hoping that it's showing just a little bit, at the very least. This is just a bit longer, though not much. Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

It was Grahm at the door. Emma didn't know who she was expecting. She knew who she'd hoped to be expecting, and it certainly hadn't been Grahm, but that wouldn't have made much sense, now, would it have?

He looked so cool and collected, just like the last time she'd seen him, his hair well kept, his eyes soft and never darting. She wondered if he was like this on scene, if his heart rate picked up and nothing else about him showed it, if his eyes displayed no fear when he was on the chest, compressing, compressing, compressing, and the family was standing right there. She wondered if he had ever stuttered over his words like she had when she had first went on the civilian side.

Killian had let him in, and he was looking around when he met her eyes. He smiled and nodded in her direction, moving towards her and then standing in front of her, as though he were afraid to sit. She wanted to joke that she didn't bite, but that wouldn't be right, would it?

"Miss Swan. I've been looking for you."

"Well, you've found me," she offered, giving an unsure smile because what the hell else could she do? He smiled back at her. "You can sit down, if you want"

"No, no, I simply wished to talk to you quickly. You see, we've got a banquette coming up, and I would honored if you attended. I know many of our other staff would be happy to see you as well."

Emma blinked, raising a brow. "Isn't that for staff only or something?" Fire banquettes were similar. You could bring family or friends, of course, but it wasn't as though she seemed to fall into either of those categories. Especially not for Grahm, with whom she'd had exactly one interaction with in the past.

"Oh, well, yes. However, I think we'd all like to thank you for taking care of Henry. Helping, in any case. We're all very grateful. I don't know what we'd do without our boy around the station."

Emma's stomach felt as though it dropped. Oh. That's what this was about? Thanking her for Henry? It felt utterly ridiculous to her. She couldn't imagine them inviting anyone else over for doing their job, especially when hardly any of them knew her. She was still new in town, a sore spot in many peoples eyes.

"Was just doing my job, Grahm. You don't need to thank me for that."

"You're humble. Which is great. But I think it would be good for people to put a face to a name, better yet for them to get a chance to properly thank you and meet you. It won't be anything awkward, I promise. It's very informal, we just call it a banquet because of tradition. Not gonna lie, it's been nothing but a picnic the past couple of years. Hell, you can blend in with the crowd if you need to. I'd just appreciate you going."

Emma glanced up at her partner, who was pretending not to listen by looking at a map and plotting out random destinations.

"Could I bring my partner?" she asked, suddenly and without much thought. Killian's obvious listening in was stalled as he looked back at her, his eyes wide with confusion. "He was there, too. He helped get the other kids out when I was carrying Henry. Without him a lot of kids could have died."

Grahm glanced back at Killian, who was now staring at them obviously. He smiled briefly at her partner before moving so that he could address both of them properly.

"Of course. How rude of me. Your partner is more than welcome to come, if he wishes. We owe you a few thanks as well, don't we?"

Killian didn't respond, instead looking at Emma in disbelief. Because he really didn't do common social things anymore, spent a lot of time off the clock drinking and having a good time. Which Emma was well aware of. A banquet, even a picnic, wasn't exactly something that Killian spent a lot of time thinking about having fun at. Which, in a way, was something Emma was happy about. Because she doubted very, very much that she would be having fun, either. They could be miserable together.

"Well, what do you say, Jones? Wanna tear it up with me?" Killian still stood there looking at her, and it was only a few awkward seconds later that he shut his agape mouth and nodded.

"A…Aye. I suppose I can drop in." That was his speak for, I'll come in for a few minutes and then I'll be at the bar. Alright? Alright.

Grahm nodded at the two of them, smiling without realizing the weird vibes in the room. "Great! I'll get you guys the information ASAP, and we'll see you then! Thank you!"

He let himself out, as though he understood that neither one of them wanted to move from their spot and would much rather just stay staring at each other in confusion, as though he understood the underline problem with all of this but didn't really want to discuss it.

"What did you just get me into, Swan?"

"I do believe I just signed us up for a picnic."

"Aye. I suppose you did. What, do you want a wing man?"

"No, no." Though there was a grin spreading on her face. "Just thought it be fun for both of us. Nice, clean, family friendly fun."

He snarled at that and rolled his eyes. "Aye? Family friendly fun, eh? Perhaps I'll bring a couple bottles of rum and see how family friendly it is then, love."

"Oh, come on. Don't be such a party pooper. It'll be fun."

"Oh, yes. Nice, good, clean family fun. I'll be gone in a minute."

"You wouldn't leave me alone with them, would you? They carry drugs, Killian, what if they tried to hurt your partner?" she teased him.

"Then my partner would damn well deserve it for taking an invite!"

She laughed and leaned back in the chair, for a moment forgetting her worries. It was a good thing that they had each other, or else this would be a damned miserable day. She dumped the remainder of the chips into her mouth before crumpling the bag and aiming at the garbage can, and making it about three feet to the left of her target. Sighing, she got up to grab it and was only stalled at the sound of her phone.

"Hello?" she answered, not so much as checking the caller ID. She was so used to it just being a coworker that she didn't really even check anymore. It didn't seem to matter all that much.

Except it was dead space. There was a moment where she thought it was an accidental call, and she almost ended it, before she heard rapid, gasping sounds on the other end. It was weird enough that she pulled it from her ear for a second to make sure it wasn't the sound of something around her, but no, it wasn't.

"Hello? Can you hear me?" It was only then that she pulled it away just far enough to check the caller ID, see if it was someone trying to pull a prank on her.

Mills, was all that read.

Instantly, her mind started to roll. Shit. What if something had just happened to the kid? What if that was fucking crying on the other end of the line? She was already starting out the door when Killian stopped her.

"What's wrong?"

"I…I'll tell you later. Do you think you can grab Ruby for first out?"

"Well…Sure. Why?"

"That's Regina on the line. I can't…I can't figure out what's going on."

"Something wrong with the lad?"

"I'm gonna check it out. I'll let you know later, okay?"

"Alright, love. Be careful, won't you? Nothings more dangerous than a mourning human."

* * *

When she and Daniel first started dating, it had been a solid, silent affair. They met late at night, arms curled around each other as whatever moonlight could shine through the New York sky illuminated them. He would whisper soft comforts to her, and she would run her hands through his short, short hair. It had been the beginning of their Junior year, and oh, they thought they were in love.

They had so much planned, so many ideas of what the future would hold. She would go to school and he would figure out a way to follow her, though his parents couldn't afford the way and his check from the local pound mostly went to help support his large family. They would move into the country, they would own so many horses that they would run out of names. They'd have a dog, and someday a child, and oh how it would be perfect.

He enlisted in the reserves the day he turned seventeen, said he would go to basic that summer and continue school while going to drill on the weekends. Split option, he called it, and he said it was his in. He could serve his country and figure out a way to make due that way. He could create a life for them, a steady life.

The summer that he was away had been hell, and she'd spent countless hours shadowing her mother in her office. This had been the summer that she had decided that she could not do office work. Though she had a knack for it, an inherited knack she had no doubt, Regina realized rather quickly that if she did this for the rest of her life she'd rather stick nails into her hands. Not knowing what else to do, she instead wrote to Daniel most nights and told him that plans were going to have to change, that perhaps they didn't have to go to school, perhaps they'd figure something else out.

He came back a week before their senior year began, his hair shaven and his smile oh so real when he found her. He showed up on her doorstep, and they embraced, only to be found by her mother who was unimpressed and invited the boy to dinner. Interrogation, Regina warned, but Daniel smiled and said he would charm them.

He charmed her father, alright, but it was harder to do for her mother. She asked every question in the book, and when it came to future plans, he declared something that Regina had never heard him bring up. He said that he aspired to be a Fire Medic, and between that and drill, he would be able to support Regina. A wild claim, one she knew was wild from the moment it came from his mouth, but he seemed so confident, this new found Daniel, and he looked at Regina with such love and adoration that she couldn't help but think that perhaps it was possible.

It was that winter that she gained her EMT basic certification, out of the sight of her mother. And after Daniel came back from job training, they went to school together, much as they said they would. Two years later, and they were on NYFD. It was a stroke of luck getting in, they both knew it, and getting in together had made it all the better. They married not a month later.

After the towers fell, and Daniel was told to report for duty, Regina often wondered if her mother hadn't been right in being scared for her daughters welfare with a soldier. Certainly, after spending so much time together, it was isolating when he was no longer there. Especially when her lungs started to ache.

Oh how they ached now.

She'd been so desperate for help she hadn't even noticed the number she called, simply hunched over and trying to breathe and hoping, somehow, that someone caught the message and would be there. She'd thought she'd hit one, speed dial for 911, but from the voice she didn't think that was the case. Damn it. She fumbled with the phone to try and dial that, instead, but only ended up dropping it without the energy to pick it up.

She was in her house, on the couch, and she couldn't tell you what had triggered this. Perhaps she had forgotten too many times to take a certain medication, perhaps it was simply from the stress of everything building on her, but now all she knew was that she was sitting here trying to breathe and nothing was helping.

She knew where her inhaler was, but it was too far away to reach for and she certainly didn't trust her legs. She thought it better to stay put, rather than risk collapsing and respiratory arrest. It seemed like hours, and perhaps it was, before her door was opened and someone came into the living room.

"Holy shit, Regina. What the fuck happened?"

She couldn't answer, instead gesturing towards the table not twenty steps away, and Emma was walking over there and observing the medications. Thank god she had some sort of training, because fairly quickly she was sitting next to her and helping her inhale, hold, exhale. Inhale, hold, exhale.

They sat like that for minutes, and when finally the rasping started to stop, Regina let her head fall to her lap in relief.

"How…How did you get here?" How did she know she was here, of all places, and how was it her luck that Emma Swan had been the number she'd dialed?

"I went to the hospital first and Kathryn said you weren't there. So I took the next logical step. Do you want me to call an ambulance or are you good?"

Regina shook her head, trying to answer multiple times before an answer finally came out. "It's happened before. I don't…Need that…Just give…I'm fine…"

Emma sat there, for the first time not awkwardly next to Regina, a hand on her back to steady her.

"I didn't take you for an ex smoker," Emma commented softly.

"Not…"

"Okay…Brycanyls for COPD…"

"Don't…Never…"

"Okay. You don't have to talk. Here. Why don't you lay down?" Regina nodded slowly and laid half of her body on the couch, not willing to move her legs just yet. Instead, Emma bent down and moved them for her, and while Regina gave a grunt of displeasure, Emma didn't jerk away.

They sat there for longer still, Regina's breath slowly evening out until finally she sounded normal again.

"You were a firefighter," Emma observed, and Regina thought for sure that she had to be looking around the room to figure that out. Whatever medals Daniel had received along with her own were displayed, if only for Henry's benefit. However, when she glanced over, Emma was looking at her, not around.

There was something that she could recognize. She didn't know what had clicked, if it had been something that had been said to her by Killian or Kathryn, or even Grahm. But pieces were falling together, things she had seen before and could understand, to a point. She hadn't noticed the medals, hadn't so much as glanced at them. Things just…Fell into place.

She could remember herself, seventeen years old in New York city, watching the TV with her foster brothers and sisters. Their parents were leaving them alone, making phone calls, and despite the fact that they'd been told not to turn on any news channels, they had all turned and watched in a sort of awe struck terror. She remembered that the littlest one, Whitney, had begged her to let her sleep in her bed that night, and Emma hadn't been reluctant to agree.

She'd seen the firefighters on the scene and her only thought was, I wish I were brave like them.

"Yes… Fire…Medic….But yes…"

"And you were in New York."

A nod.

"You must been young, though. Too young to see the towers." She shook her head. "No?"

"That…Was there."

Emma nodded. "Is that why this is a problem?"

"N…Not a problem, much more, Miss…" A pause. "There was a lot. But yes. That was a part of it…"

"Does anyone else know? About this?"

"H…Henry. Grahm, Kathryn…My mother and father, but they're…They're very far away."

Emma nodded again before shifting her weight.

"Well. I'm going to stay here until I know you're okay. Alright?"

A brief nod.

"And if anything weird goes on, I'm calling your people up. Alright?"

A sigh and a hesitant nod.

"Alright."


	11. Chapter 11

_No, I don't wanna hate you, just wish you'd never gone for the man…_

When she finally did look up, it was when Regina's body had finally relaxed, when whatever effort she'd put in previously took it's tool on her. Perhaps she didn't know it, but her rest seemed restless. The woman besides her didn't move in her sleep, not in the way that Emma did, but there wasn't peace on her face. Perhaps it was the paleness that had come upon her once dark face, the sickly look that made Emma cringe, but there was something else. As if she couldn't quite get comfortable in this mode of sleep.

She grabbed her phone, called the number Kathryn had given to her. To her surprise, it wasn't the woman that picked up, but the little boy with a raspiness behind his breath.

"Hello?"

"Hey, hey kid. It's Emma."

"Hi Emma!" There was crackling, and the sound of a woman's voice. Kathryn, she bet. The noise that had hit her originally, what sounded like a live action movie soundtrack, went silent so that all she could hear was the boy and the woman. "Imma gonna put you on speaker, okay?"

She chuckled softly. "Okay."

"Okay. You're on."

"Regina alright?" she heard Kathryn say, and without her realizing it, Emma glanced at the woman besides her and stayed glued. What was she going to say? Regina might have said that Henry knew, but knowing and knowing all of it was something else entirely.

"Yeah. She's fine. I'll probably bring her down there later."

Hopefully, to Henry, it sounded like she meant she was going to bring the woman down to see him. Which, no doubt, would happen. The real reason was because, honestly, this little moment had freaked her out a bit. And she wanted to make sure the woman was okay before this happened again and no one else was around, or she didn't have a phone.

"Sounds like a good idea," Kathryn's soft voice chimed in, and Emma nodded.

"Did you chase away the monsters?"

Emma paused for a moment. This told her more than she thought she was ever going to get. Monsters. She's originally thought that he meant only nightmares. Henry, however, had heard her brief conversation with Kathryn at the hospital. She knew he had heard her say that there were times when breathing was difficult. He knew they weren't nightmares. He was a kid, but he wasn't stupid.

"Yeah. Yeah kid. I chased them away."

There was silence on the line, and she wondered for a second if it had been disconnected. She wasn't sure if she minded so much.

"That's good," the boy chimed in. "See, you know more about superhero's than you thought."

She was silent for a moment, pondering this. Superheros. Right. The kid was into superheros, of course he'd mention them. She leaned her head against the back of the couch.

"Yeah. I guess so. What're you two up to?"

"Kathryn's losing to me in Fallout."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! Don't tell Mom, though. She doesn't like that game."

"Why's that?"

"Say's zombies are bad." She chuckled, rotating the phone to her other ear.

"Alright. So I guess it'll be our threes little secret, then?"

"Yeah!" the boy exclaimed.

"You're going to be ready to come home pretty soon then, if you're feeling good enough to play that game, aren't you?"

"I want to go home today. But they said next week."

"Well. Gotta listen to those doctors, you know."

"I guess…"

"Hey, kid, it's good talking to you. But I'm going to have to go, okay? Need anything?"

"Nope! Bye Emma!"

"Bye, kid…I'll talk to you later, Kathryn, alright?"

There was a shuffling noise.

"Alright. Take care of her."

"Yeah. Yeah, no problem."

"Thank you."

"Yeah. You too."

A disconnected line, and then silence. Silence had always been an eerie thing for her, the sound that meant that things were about to go to shit pretty quickly. But no. There was no proof of that. Silence, for now, meant something good. It meant that the storm was passing. At least, this one was.

She didn't move, afraid it would bring Regina back into the world when so clearly she needed rest, but she set the phone down and looked around. It was a big house, especially for only two other people, but it well worn. The wooden floors showed small indentations that told her that, once upon a time, there had been a dog here. The fireplace was unlit, but there was a small pile of wood, a poking stick, matches out of reach. Despite the fact that Regina apparently wasn't a fan of video games, the TV had an Xbox and a Playstation bellow it.

There weren't many picture frames, nothing aside of a few with Regina and Henry. She could see random places where some had been taken down. The spacing on some of them were off. Above the fireplace, there were an array of awards. She wondered if Regina was so self centered that she felt the need to display them or if it was simply a holding place. Emma herself had packed away most of her awards, she'd slipped them away with her discharge papers away from sight and out of mind.

There were some that she recognized. No doubt, from the perished husband. She couldn't find unit identification anywhere, as though Regina had hid those specific things away.

"Admiring my husband's accomplishments?" she heard a tired voice say. Her attention was drawn to Regina, whose eyes were closed. She'd folded her hands onto her stomach, much more regal now than the original form of letting sleep and gravity do the work.

"There were a lot of them, it looks like."

Regina made a noise, something between a huff and a sigh.

"Oh, Miss Swan. You know how they like to decorate the dead."

A medal for a dead man, an attempt to calm the family. Your loved one did not die in vain and this is living proof, forever, to every generation after yours. Perhaps they made a difference. Perhaps they did not. But here. This may calm your worries that their impact was in vain.

"He was Army, then. I know some of them. Killian said he thought he was in the Marines."

"He couldn't swim."

The comments of so many soldiers that would buff themselves up. I would have gone with the Marines, but I couldn't swim. Or, I would have, but honestly, I'm not crazy enough for that shit.

Just crazy enough for _this_ shit.

She could remember Cassidy, soft Cassidy, who had barely graduated ROTC before he was commissioned, saying that once upon a time he'd thought being in the Marines would be the way to go. And then he'd decided this was for the best.

"He was a medic, too."

Silence. Combat medics were a dime a dozen, a job that many wanted and many got.

"What unit was he in?"

"I couldn't tell you that, Miss Swan."

No, but that didn't seem right. She knew many that cared much less than Regina did who could root out their loved ones unit, and there was no doubt about it with the medals on the wall. Regina had cared. She wondered if she had waited after ever deployment, if she had been one of the wives that Emma had been so jealous for, the ones that embraced their loved ones and kissed them while Emma walked past, her head tucked down. Because she had no one to come home to.

Still, she didn't push it. Aggravating this woman in her own house didn't seem wise, especially not while she was still warn down, while she seemed as though she could barely move at the moment.

"For a very brief while, he said he wanted to be a medic for Special Forces. We were trying to conceive at the time, but he wanted it so bad. I barely talked him out of it."

"What stopped him?"

"What you witnessed here today. Said he couldn't risk not being there for me."

And he wasn't here. Instead, it was Emma, who was barely a friend. Who had, not hours later, been trying to figure this woman out. Emma, who was now settled in this woman's house.

"Mi corazón está en su corazón. It was the only Spanish he knew, I think, and he said it to me often."

"I don't know Spanish."

"My heart is your heart. Me duele cuando te duele He learned that later. .Very rough translation. It hurts when you hurt."

Was that some kind of love? Certainly his words said it, it said it in more ways than one. But she kept going back to the idea of a rough soldier attempting to learn a language that he knew little about for a lover. For a wife.

Regina was more awake now, pushing herself up, and Emma found herself trying to help, trying to guide. Regina didn't protest, either too tired or too grateful, and upon sitting up found herself leaning on Emma for some kind of support.

"We really should bring you to the hospital," Emma commented. She didn't want to break whatever brief kind of moment this was, but whatever it was, it still worried her to some extent. The amount that Regina was leaning on her.

"I just forgot medication. It happens. I've been very stressed."

"Yeah. I get that." She didn't want to argue, not right now, not with this woman who seemed to have so much in common with her and oh so little. She didn't want to ruin it. Didn't want to go back to bickering and yelling, didn't want to go back to snide remarks.

"I'll go to the doctors later. But I'm fine."

"Okay."

There was no need for a fight. They had reached a standstill, the kind that Emma didn't like but, at the same time, didn't feel the need for interruption. She was a medic. She knew if she needed help right now. The fact that she was breathing and talking told Emma all she needed to know.

"Emma?"

Emma. A quick change, and for a moment she wondered if it would change back just as quickly. If, when the exhaustion was gone, it would go back to a formal sounding Miss Swan.

"Yeah?"

"Why do you keeping coming back?"

It was a question Emma often asked herself. Why on earth would she keep coming back? Why expose herself to more pain than necessary? Why not cut the ties and break free?

She could say that she felt some kind of obligation, that the back of that truck had reminded her of who she'd used to be. She could push it on Henry, say the kid had grown on her. She could say the obligation came from looking after someone who had lost a husband in combat, much in the way she lost so many brothers over there. But none of them were right. None of those reasons had been good enough for Emma to stay around in the past.

"I guess…I keep thinking that maybe we aren't so different. And maybe I could chase your monsters away."

She didn't expect the same from Regina, oddly enough. And it wasn't because of their interactions in the past. She had just learned not to expect much from other people.

"You've been listening to Henry for far too long. I think he's getting to you."

"Maybe."

Regina didn't push her away, didn't make her leave. In a way, it was sort of comforting. Any time they pushed away, Regina would reel her back in, as though she didn't want the consequence of the thing to be real. And perhaps that was another reason why she stayed. Because of all the people she'd known in her life, not many were willing to reel her back in.

Many just left her drifting. Only Stabler had ever been able to do that before.

"You remind me of a medic I used to work with over there."

"Yes?"

"Yeah. He…I think you and him would have gotten along."

"Comforting." There was a soft drip of sarcasm, and for a second Emma felt a flare of anger. It died out when Regina rested her head on Emma's.

"He was a good guy. A really good guy."

"Then perhaps we wouldn't have gotten along as well as you assume."

"No. No, you would have." There was a certainty in that, and she didn't know where it came from.

"Well, perhaps I'll meet him one day."

"He died."

"Yes. I assumed."

Then, there was silence again, but perhaps it had evolved into a more comfortable silence. One that she so often shared with Killian. The kind of silence that told of understanding. A soft reminder of the human condition.

A reminder that hearts weren't all that different.


	12. Chapter 12

**The response has been AWESOME, guys. I love it. Thanks a lot. I appreciate everything.**

* * *

"What are you feeling?"

"Nothing. I'm feeling…Nothing."

The crackle of phone static. They didn't have a lot of time to spare, minutes counted when Daniel had just barely been able to get a hold of a phone. But he seemed unsure of what to say and she could barely think anymore.

She'd thought she could handle the loneliness. She thought the shallow aching in her heart would go away with time, that knowing that Daniel would be back in a mere month and a half would make everything easier.

"I said I'd make all your dreams come true, Regina. And I will."

"All I want is for you to be home. That's the only dream I have anymore, Daniel…"

Their conversation was gone, but in the background she could hear the sound of other men talking loudly. She wondered if it was like the movies, where the soldiers would rough house as if they were little boys again. She wondered if this was real, if Daniel took part or simply moderated.

"I'll be home soon. My contract is coming up. We can talk about me getting out or going back in when I get back."

"You'll come back to me?"

"Always."

"Come on, sir, I got a kid to talk to." The sound of another man. A man as hopeless sounding as she was sure she did.

"Regina…I have to go."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I love you, too…"

 _Always._

This scene always played through her mind when exhaustion set in. She didn't know if it was proof of an afterlife, of Daniel fulfilling his promise. Of him coming back to her when she most needed him. Perhaps it was just her minds way of coping. It didn't matter. Even if he came to her in her dreams, it wasn't truly coming back.

She'd never truly forgiven the Army for taking away her husband. Her partner, her first friend. Truly, she hadn't forgiven most of the world. For all the monitory wealth she'd had as a child, so little love had been in it. Except for Daniel.

When Henry had been young, he often talked highly of his father. A man he didn't know. He'd say proudly at school that his daddy was a hero, and sometimes when he'd see sadness in Regina's eyes, he would cling to her and tell her that it was okay, she was a hero too. And he said that he was sad that Daddy was gone, but that it was okay, because he had her.

Oh, but he didn't know Daniel. He hardly knew how he'd died. All he knew of his the man were pictures and medals. There was adoration and there was sadness of never knowing a person, but then there was mourning, and Henry didn't know that. He knew mourning of his grandfather, but even that had been brief.

He understood things that no little boy should. He understood that 'tired' for her didn't mean that she was sleepy, but that her breathing was difficult today. He knew medication locations after Maverick, their family dog and her own personal trained helper, had led him to them once. He'd understood that sometimes monsters weren't so much the physical things but the things in your head. And he'd known that not all could be chased away.

Waking up from exhaustion was not a clawing thing for her anymore. It was a slow settle, pondering on dreams and memories and letting herself resurface. It was a gradual move, like floating along the water's edge to shore.

And surfacing was hardly ever painful anymore.

Resurfacing that day was no different. She felt another person head against hers, heard the soft and gentle snoring noise that wasn't a bother. For a moment, she could believe that the last twelve years had simply been a dream, and that she was against Daniel again. That the memories were nightmares that had passed.

The hope was gone rather quickly.

She opened her eyes to realize that Emma Swan was besides her, not Daniel. The urge to push away, however, was not present. It was as though she couldn't bear to part, even if it was an illusion.

Human bodies, after all, are meant to share in each other's space. It's a part of instinct.

Even if she lingered on the moment far longer than she should have, she moved her head and then her body to go against the couch instead. The movement triggered something in Emma, who reacted by jerking awake. Daniel had often done the same thing.

 _Sleeping in a group will do that to you. Anything changes and you feel like you have to move. Make sure they're okay._

Emma looked around, bleary eyed and confused, until her eyes met Regina's.

"Miss Swan. Welcome to the world of the living."

She sat up further, rubbing her eyes.

"If I remember right, you're the one that almost died, aren't you?"

"Not 'almost died'. Just in duress."

"Well. That could have changed pretty damn quickly."

Regina chuckled softly, and Emma relaxed. They were still where they had been when they'd fallen asleep, and the change between the two of them seemed like a good thing. Even if it didn't last forever, it was a change for the better, and Emma would take it.

Even if the 'Miss Swan' crap was back.

Emma looked at her watch and then cursed under her breath, starting to get up before looking at Regina apologetically.

"What's wrong?" The older woman asked, starting to get up.

"No, it's nothing. I just. I was on shift when you called, and so I had Ruby cover for me. But we had a meeting tonight and, uh…Well, Chief's probably going to kick my …Butt."

"You certainly didn't need to come here, Miss Swan."

"Yeah. Yeah I did. And I'm glad I did. But, uh. I gotta try and play patch up before I get fired." She paused for a second. "You need me for anything?"

A shake of her head. Regina stayed silent while Emma gathered a large amount of her things, until she spoke up a few moments later.

"If you find yourself needing a place to work, we're always hiring committed EMT's. I'm sure I could find a place for you."

Emma gave a hesitant smile and nodded. "I'll try and keep what I got. But yeah. I'll remember that."

She let herself out the door, and Regina found herself feeling lonely again for the first time in ages.

It had been a long while since she had allowed herself to feel much of anything.

* * *

Emma had tried to sneak into the back of the room when James wasn't looking, tried to grab a seat without making a noise. Oh, she was almost successful, too, but the slight creaking brought attention to her, and Chief was quick to turn to her.

"Swan. How nice of you to join us."

She attempted a surprised look, as though she couldn't believe that he hadn't seen her earlier, as though, obviously, she had been here, where else would she be.

"You. Back. Now."

She was almost surprised. She had assumed that, at the very least, she could avoid his wrath until after the meeting. Humiliation seemed his target today, and she went without her head bowed. Killian gave her a sympathetic look as Chief stalked past them and went into the back office.

When Emma joined him, he reached back and slammed the door behind them.

"What. The. Hell. Is going through your head, Swan?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You were scheduled to work today. Hell, I was damn right excited, because you suddenly showed up on time for the first time in…What, months? Since that damned fire at the school? And then you just dart off to god knows where, without a mention to me, might I add. The wasn't even the worst part. Jones finished off your paperwork, so I didn't really mind. I said I'd let it slide so long as you showed up on time tonight. And you didn't."

"I'm sorry, I got a call and it was an emergency."

"Yeah? I think there's a procedure for that. It's called talking to me, your boss. When I hired you, I thought for sure you understood that. I thought, oh, a soldier. So they understand the importance of being here on time and getting things done. I thought, oh, New York. Where professionalism is no longer a thing of the past. What great credentials. What the hell happened to those things, Swan?"

She didn't realize it, but she was standing stock still, her hands behind her back as she received the verbal assault. For a moment, she thought she was back in basic, the drilling about to lead to physical punishment, a run, pushups, anything other than a firing.

"It's been hectic, sir."

"No shit. What the hell's going on, Swan? Should I be worried?"

"What?"

"Should I be worried?"

"Sir, I've been doing my job. I've showed up to every call, I finished my paperwork every day but today. I wash the rigs."

"Yes. Except today. I was waiting for today to come, because if today suddenly becomes tomorrow? Or the next day? What happens then, Swan? What happens when we need you and you don't show? It's _accountability_. This isn't a job where I should find out my people aren't accountable."

Oh and there it was. He thought she wasn't going to do her job.

"Sir, I can assure you, that won't happen."

"Can I take the risk, Swan? Am I sure you have a steady enough head on your shoulders to make things happen?"

He thought she was losing it. That the reason why she'd been late was because of something going on in her head, and maybe it was, but it wasn't what he was thinking.

"I know what happened over there, Swan, you told me, and I don't want to think that if it's interfering with your work-"

"It's not, sir." She cut him off without thinking about it and then shut her mouth. Closed her eyes. Took in a deep breath so that there was no anger behind her words. "It's got nothing to do with that. There's nothing…There's nothing wrong with me. There's just a lot going on since that fire."

"Like what, Swan?"

A little boy who talked about superheroes. That had somehow managed to crawl into her heart without a solid reason or effort. A boy who wanted to chase monsters away without knowing what on earth that meant for him. A woman that she didn't understand but was trying oh so hard to get. A woman whose life she'd saved today. A woman that Chief disliked a lot, for reasons she didn't know.

"I've just been trying to look out for my own. And it hasn't been a problem until today, and it won't be a problem again. I'm sorry."

Silence.

"I need to know that I can count on you, Swan. I'm not trying to be the bad guy here, but I will be if I need to be. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir. I understand perfectly."

"You need to tell me if something is wrong."

There was something wrong, but she didn't know if it was something that Chief would understand, if he would get that she couldn't feel out what was happening inside of her head and that it had nothing to do with _over there_. If she voiced what was going on in her head, if he'd think she was crazy or simply push it off as part of being human. If he would point out the obvious, like Killian would, or if she would be told to pull her head out of her ass and figure out where she was going with all of this.

Because she didn't know where she was going.

"Nothing's wrong, sir. I'm sorry I was late to the meeting. It won't happen again."

He gave her a once over.

"Alright. If anything changes, I'm not kidding. I need to know."

"Yes, sir…"

He left, leaving the door open wide for her to join the rest of the department. Emma slumped down in a chair in the office, feeling the need to take a deep breath in before she joined everyone else, before she went back out into the world that she had learned to call her own.

 _This was never supposed to be my life, Stabler…_

A written letter to a friend, a long dead friend, left on a stone plague years later.

 _I should be with you…I had nothing. And now I have half of what you had. And I'm guilty._

She wondered if the family had ever seen it. If they'd hated her. If they'd rejoiced in the fact that he had brought something to her life or if there was resentment over the fact that it could have been her and it wasn't.

 _I won't waste it. The life you gave me._

A promise to that long dead friend. An empty one, because she felt like she wasted it so many days, felt like her life in New York was without purpose. The one thing she felt like she'd done right, slipping through her hands.

 _I'm sorry. Thank you._

No. Nothing wrong with her head. Just confusion.

Wondering if not wasting it meant that this was all she would ever know.


	13. Chapter 13

"What happened?" Killian asked her after the meeting, bringing over a can of Coke to her. She took it and shrugged, not entirely sure if she wanted to talk about it or just let it go.

"Chief just yelled at me for being late. No big deal."

"Big deal, Swan. Very big deal. You know he's been moping around looking for someone to snap at. It'll be you."

"It already was me."

Killian gestured for her to follow him outside, where the warm breeze momentarily stunned her.

"What was so important that you had to jet out? I trust it was pretty damn vital, because I covered your ass today, Swan. It better not have been for nothing."

"I told you, I got a call from Mills-"

"Aye. Mills. And I heard the boy was fine. Fantastic, in fact, should be out of the hospital pretty soon. So I thought you'd be back."

Emma leaned against the brick wall of the station, and Killian stood in front of her, waiting for her response. She didn't know exactly what to give in reference for one.

"She couldn't _breathe_ , Killian. That's what happened. And I thought…I helped her but I wanted to make sure she was okay."

"That's what her people are for, Swan. That's when you call 911, and hospitals help, because that wasn't your place to step in."

She knew Killian was angry at her for leaving, but she hadn't realized that there had been enough stress that he would snap at her like this. Their conversations in the past had sometimes had hints like this, annoyances at each other. When you work with someone for long enough that you know their ticks, their movements, of course you'll get angry at them ever so often. But she hadn't realized he had been this annoyed. He hadn't been when she had left.

"You were fine with me leaving!" she snapped back at him. "I'm sorry you did my work, but you didn't have to, so I don't know why-"

"Because Chief brought up a damned valid point to me! And I want to make sure that that isn't it!"

She stared at him, and he stared at her, both daring the other to say the next set of words. Emma felt as though she couldn't find them. What, so Killian thought she was losing it, too?

"You're my partner. How dare you-"

"How dare I what? Be worried about you? I defended you today, Swan, but he made me think. You didn't tell me why you left the Army, but Chief damn well knows-"

"It was on my record. Of course he knows. He had to look at them for my background check, I had to explain myself."

"Why didn't you tell me, Swan?"

The accusation. Her partner in New York had asked the same thing, and when she'd admitted that she didn't know why she hadn't told him, he'd walked away with his hands in the air. Because of course she knew why she hadn't told anyone that she didn't have to tell.

"I didn't want you to be ashamed of me."

Shame was always something she wanted to avoid. She didn't want him to look at her differently, for him to realize that perhaps her entire service hadn't been totally honorable, that when she admitted to him that she'd let her unit die without her, it hadn't been because of some choice of valor, it had been because of a lonely moment in the desert.

"I'm not! But it explains a lot, why you don't want to be with coworkers, why you're so fucking scared of going after Mills. It would tell me why you're so guilty, instead of being vague."

The young officer that hadn't wanted to be in the Army, not really, that had only done ROTC to appease his family and had only taken commission because he needed the scholarship for college. Who said he'd never really wanted to be in war, he certainly hadn't wanted to be on ground.

 _Officer. I thought that meant I wouldn't be going anywhere but the DOD._

The young girl that had only ever done flings, that had never had anything long term in fear that she would have to leave at any moments, in fear that it would create too many strings. His hands on her body, feeling so god damned alive for the first time since she had been in the desert. Him crying to her that he wasn't sure if what he was doing was right. Her soft reminder that he was doing his best.

A shared bed on a lonely night in the FOB. One shared bed. One night.

A test that had very simple results, given to Stabler. Him taking her aside, asking what had happened. Her whispering that it was the officers, that she would do whatever the Army wanted so long as she could stay.

 _This isn't allowed, Swan. I'm sorry._

"Swan!" Killian standing next to her, a mix of worry and anger on his face.

"His name was Neal. He was my CO on the ground."

She hadn't admitted this part anyone, save for Stabler and the officers that had decided her fate.

"He was so damned lonely. And so was I. So we…We shared a bed one night."

"You had sex."

She flinched. "Yes."

"Did he take advantage of you, Swan?"

"No. No, it wasn't…It wasn't like that. I liked him. He wasn't really soldier material, I don't think he knew what he was getting himself into, but he was a good guy. He was sweet. It was different…We used to talk. As friends. He would tell me about home and I would tell him about my adventures in New York. We both joined for the same reason. There weren't a lot of options for people like us. The economy was in the gutter, our families didn't have a lot to start with…And the Army's always hiring."

 _I wanted to do something important. I just…I didn't realize what doing something important would mean._

"And then one night, it just…It evolved. And things escalated, and I don't really know what happened after that."

"You carried his child."

A pause. "Yes."

"Why did that get you kicked out?"

"They don't…They don't like officers and enlisted people fraternizing. It's against the rules. And that was a pretty heavy stain on my record."

"So you had to leave?"

"Yeah."

Being back on the New York streets. Looking at the sheet of numbers. Walking to the fire hall because lord knew that she didn't know what else to do, asking for Adams. His rough, old face taking her in. Giving him Stabler's letter. An embrace.

 _We'll take care of you, Swan. Don't worry._

"What…What happened to the kid?"

A growing belly. A woman who talked to her so softly about options. No judgment for the first time in years. Saying she'd keep it. A news report on the late night news, saying that there were more casualties. Naming the men. Tears.

 _I can't keep this baby. Not now._

Adoption paperwork, closed, a funeral before labor. Missing Stabler's, going to Neal Cassidy's. Tears.

 _I'm so sorry._

"I gave him up. I saw him for a very short while, but then he wasn't mine anymore. He was gone."

"Do you know what happened to him?"

She shook her head, and she didn't realize until now that there was wetness on her face, that there were tears streaming down her face. She tried not to think of the little, chubby boy, tried not to think of whether he had gone to a good home or if he had ended up in the system like she had. She tried not to remember the anger of her first foster parents and tried, instead, to think of the love of the last one. She tried to think of little Whitney, who got her first chance and never had to see the cruelty of the system like Emma had.

She tried not to think that there was a chance, a chance, that he wasn't okay.

Killian embraced her then, pulling her close, and there was a part of her that wanted to pull away, to tell him that she was alright, she didn't need coddling, it would be gone soon. The pain would ebb. But she didn't know if it would tonight, if the guilt would resurface like it often did, and she tried so hard not to imagine the images she'd seen on the TV that day, tried not to think of Cassidy laid in his casket, 21 gun salute. How she'd refused to wear her dress blues and had sat in the back. Didn't want to see his parents. Didn't want to tell them that they would have a carry on in their line.

"It's alright, Swan. It's alright."

No, but it wasn't, and her heart ached at the mere thought that it ever could be. There was drifting, there was easy drifting, and she had accomplished it for so long that she'd thought for sure she could accomplish it forever. But now, here was the reminder that she would never be free from this stain, that it would be on her forever, and that she'd never really forget, she'd never really forgive herself for living while they'd died all because of a choice.

"It hurts," she whined, and she hadn't realized that he had walked them to the back of the station, out of the eyes of the public. "I just wanted to make a difference and…And…"

"And you did. It's called survivors guilt, love. But you have no reason to be guilty."

"But I do…"

He ran his hands through her hair, not a romantic gesture, but a calming one.

"They died and I wasn't there to stop it."

She buried her head into her partners chest. Even though the emotion was there where it hadn't been for a long time, even though it was an open wound after it had lay dormant for so long, suddenly it felt almost good to cry and to feel it. To know the pain so personally, to understand it to a point.

"Swan. If they couldn't stop it, you couldn't have either. You'd just be in the ground with them."

 _And when I get to heaven, to Saint Peter I will tell. 'Just another soldier reporting, sir, I've done my time in hell'._

Sablers song rang in her ears.

* * *

"Emma!" Henry called out excitedly when she walked into the room.

"Hey, kid," she muttered, giving him a faint smile. She'd tried to dry most of her tears before coming here, and even though Killian had offered to buy her a drink, she'd declined with an apology about getting his shirt wet. She could still feel burning in her eyes, perhaps they were a tad bit red, but she decided not to care for right now.

Kathryn was sitting closer to the bed, and she could see two gaming controllers poorly hidden besides his bed.

"Regina stopped in about an hour ago, but I made her get checked out. She should be back soon."

"That's alright. I, uh. I mainly just wanted to hang around and check up on young gun, here." Henry flashed her a smile.

"Cool! We turned off the game, though, so if you were hoping to do that, you'll have to wait 'til later."

"I have a feeling you'd probably beat me anyways, kid."

"Well. I am pretty good."

It felt weird, sitting across from Kathryn instead of Regina, but it was interesting watching her and Henry interact. As a bystander, it wasn't even weird. It looked so natural, as though Kathryn didn't have to hesitate for a moment before saying whatever he said to him. She wasn't sure if she'd ever had a relationship like that as a kid, and a familiar stab of jealousy ebbed its way up that she had to suppress. It was good that he had good people in his life. It was outstanding.

Suddenly, his attention was back on her. He's said something that she hadn't registered, and she blinked, trying to figure out exactly what had been said.

"Huh?"

"I said, thanks. For looking out for Mom."

And that stab of jealousy that she had had moments before went away. Emma hadn't had many good relationships in her childhood, sure, but she also hadn't had to look out for much of anyone. She hadn't taken on the role of 'big sister' until she was sixteen, and even then it had been nothing more than a short moment. She had never been a caretaker in any vicinity of the word. Now here was Henry, in a hospital bed, thanking her for doing something he'd no doubt done countless times.

"No problem, kid…I'll try not to take the superhero thing for a little while at least, okay?"

He nodded and then went back to his conversation with Kathryn. So seamless, how quickly he rotated from serious to conversational.

He knew what he was doing, this kid.

Perhaps that's how he had crept into her head.


	14. Chapter 14

**A shorter update. Sorry it took a while, lifes been hectic! Thanks again to everyone that's been a supporter of this story thus far!**

"You'll be alright, Mills. Just take it easy, okay?"

"I was well aware of the fact that I'm fine, Whale. No need to remind me." She brushed herself off as she got up. Her footing felt unsteady, and she knew she must look like hell, but she didn't have to look at a mirror in that case.

"Must I remind you that you came to see me?"

"At the request of my coworker."

He sighed and sat down. She was more than ready to leave, but obviously he wasn't.

"You do realize that all of this is serious, right? It's nothing to play around with."

"Yes, well. Unlike some, I don't let it affect my overall existence."

"But it will, Mills. And you know it will. And it will affect your career, and your son-"

"It's already done plenty of _that_ , Whale."

Long nights of Henry sitting outside of her door after a moment of panic, trying to scamper back to his room before she noticed he was there. Of course, she always did. She could hear his back rubbing against the door or wall. She could hear him whispering muttered prayers when they hadn't gone to church in ages. And every time she heard him, her heart broke, because she hadn't wanted that for her son, she hadn't wanted a kid that took care of her while she should be doing that for him.

"All I'm saying is that things change. And they will continue to change. The scarring in your lungs is there forever, Regina. It isn't going to fix itself."

"I'm well aware, Whale."

"Then you know what I know. You need to take better care of yourself. Even with Henry in the hospital."

She walked out of the room, then. She'd heard it all before, and she knew that it was true. There was no denying, despite the fact that she had spent so many days with Daniel telling him not to worry about it, that it was fine, that there was nothing that she couldn't handle alone let alone with another person.

It was easier to just walk to the hospital room and not think about it, not think about having to tell Henry what had happened. It was easier to pray that he wouldn't notice what he always noticed, how pale she looked, how unsteady her gait was. It was easier to hope that he wouldn't hear a soft wheeze and assume the worst.

She had assumed that Kathryn and Henry would be back to playing that damned game. The one he'd talked about for months on end and she'd ended up getting for him, if only because he was so excited for it and she couldn't imagine seeing the disappointment on his face when his birthday came and it wasn't there. However, Kathryn had drifted to sleep some time in between her leave. Henry was reading his comics to…Emma, it seemed, who had stopped in at some point.

She looked up when she noticed the presence in the room and smiled.

"Hey. How are you doing?"

Regina had to resist the urge to tell her, because for some god forsaken reason Miss Swan had managed to crawl far enough into her head that Regina was willing to tell her such facts about herself. She didn't know why. When her guard had been down, it had been unnaturally easy to tell her little facts, snippets about herself. It had almost been natural. Now, even though she had the urge to tell her things, she could suppress it. It was strange, the sort of thing that only one person had managed to do so easily, without any effort.

And Regina didn't know if she liked it.

The idea that anyone could get into her head was an idea she didn't like to ponder on, because in her mind, her head was a scary place. Perhaps it was the fact that Miss Swan's was likely as terrifying. She couldn't imagine the landscapes of the young girls brain. How they must twist and turn, how they must shift! From what she'd heard thus far from the girl and from what she knew of her history, she could assume the worst.

Emma likely had done the same for her, so she felt little guilt.

"I'm fine, Miss Swan. "

"Mom!"

Her attention was brought to her boy, who was looking at her cautiously. Of course he knew that something was wrong, it wasn't as if Kathryn had been subtle in telling her to go get checked out. She had all but threatened her boss, and it had worked for the most part. Regina wasn't really all that scared of what Kathryn could do to her, but she was afraid of what Kathryn had warned her about.

 _What happens when you collapse in front of Henry and he doesn't know what to do? What then?_

"Henry," she said, smiling at him and sitting on his bed. Cupping his chin, an instinct that she'd had for him since he was a little boy, she examined him. He looked good, for the shape he'd been in before. Healthy, even, except for the light scarring that would likely be there for a good portion of his life. "How are you, my prince?"

He fussed slightly, but it wasn't as much as he would have done only two months ago. Pulling away, muttering that she was embarrassing him. Instead, he looked her in the eyes and she saw something that she'd hoped to never, ever see. Worry.

"I'm fine. I'm great. What happened, Mom?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Emma fidgeting nervously. Regina wondered vaguely if Emma had mentioned anything to him, if she was guilty of that much. A part of her flashed with anger, but then there was Henry, his eyes wide.

"It was nothing, Henry. Just a bit of an episode."

"Was it because of me?"

And of all the things he could have said, that hit her the hardest. How many times as a child had she asked if the way that her mother treated her was because of her? How many times had her father reassured her that it wasn't? And how many times had she doubted his every word? Every time, no doubt.

"No, mi hijo. Not because of you at all. It just happens sometimes. You know that."

He looked up at Emma for reassurance, and for a moment she thought it a test from the universe. Emma could throw her under a bus, quick and easy. It would be as simple as planting a seed of doubt into his head. She watched for Emma's response, her reaction. Gauged it with the same critical eye that she would use on a patient.

"It just happens sometimes, kid. Honestly. It has nothing to do with you."

So calm, so collected. So easy to talk to a child for not having one of her own. Regina could almost marvel in that, if there wasn't so much at stake. Emma Swan could have taken her conversation down right then and there.

He relaxed immediately, nodding.

"We're reading Spiderman. I'm _trying_ to teach Emma about him, but all she knows about is the new movies. Which is ridiculous, right Mom?"

She faked horror and looked over at Emma.

"Nothing but the movies? Blasphemy."

Emma relaxed in that moment, a wide grin spreading on her face. "I mean, come on. Who needs to read when you have the movies?"

"They're totally different!" Henry defended.

"With great power comes great responsibility. That's the only line I need to know."

"No, no, no! There's so much more to it than that, Emma!"

And perhaps that was Emma's in to their conversation, her easy to grab onto topic. Because she floated so easily on learning things that were obviously foreign to her, things that she hadn't touched as a child. Regina could relate. Her mother had never been keen on the idea of her delving into the world of fantasy. Her father had had a large collection, though he claimed he'd thought they would gain monetary value over time. He'd even given Daniel a few issues while he'd been overseas, though she didn't know how much he'd read them. He'd reassured her that he had, but she wasn't sure how much time there was to be spent reading.

For a moment, speaking with the two of them, it seemed normal. Like they were friends.

"Hey, Mom? I'm kinda tired."

The declaration came out of nowhere, but when she looked at him he was barely keeping his eyes open.

"Of course you are. Sleep, Hijo. You need your rest."

"Kathryn said you were gonna go out tonight. Are you?"

She hesitated, because her actual plan had involved going home and sleeping. That had been changed rather rapidly, of course, but it was still a matter of what had been said.

"Probably not. I'll just stick around here."

"You should go out…Have fun…"

There he was again, trying to take care of her, and though a part of her was grateful, it was much smaller than the part of her that felt guilty. Like she should be here, taking care of him instead.

"Where would I rather be than here?"

"People…They don't like hospitals, Mom. They aren't fun."

She chuckled and brushed some hair from his face.

"What do you propose I do then, Henry?"

"You could go teach Emma more comic book stuff…Then you can impress me when you guys get back."

She glanced at Emma, who was as stiff as a rod at this point, as though waiting for Regina to dismiss her and tell her to go on with her day. She felt no need to do anything of the sort. If anything, it was a rather amusing idea.

"Yes?"

"Yeah…It'll be fun, right?"

He was asleep before she could answer, his body totally relaxing into the bed. A soft snore reminded her that this was still Henry, that he was okay again.

There was silence again, but the silence had evolved with time. Perhaps it had evolved in the small amount of time that Swan had spent in her house. Suddenly, it was not awkward, it was not waiting for dismissal, it was the comfortable silence that she shared with her partners. Perhaps Swan had evolved to that level. Perhaps not. But it had become apparent that, at the very least, neither wished for confrontation tonight.

"Well, Miss Swan. What do you say? How about we go improve your comic book knowledge?"


	15. Chapter 15

A small bar on the edge of town, with a lonely woman nursing a drink. It's a run down place, the owner's lucky that it hasn't been shut down, but it does it's job alright. There's a soft beat in the background, but it's nothing pounding, not like the nightclubs she spent so much time in back in New York.

"Hey there, pretty lady. Can I buy you a drink?"

She hid a smile, because she knew the voice. How many nights has that voice spoken to her? How many days had she spent remembering that voice?

"I thought you weren't going to be home until tonight, stranger."

"I wanted to surprise you. Imagine my surprise when you weren't at home."

She turned around to face him, looking so strange in his civilian cloths but also so natural, as if he were a young boy again. The humor on his face was gone, replaced with worry. For a moment, she felt a stab of guilt, but it was momentary and faded away. If she'd known he was going to be home, then she would have stayed home.

"You shouldn't be drinking, Regina." The unspoken words between them hung in the air. He knew why she was drinking. Daniel was anything but stupid. She had wanted to call him when it happened, but it was so strict whenever he was at training, and she certainly hadn't wanted to disturb anything that might one day save his life. The fact that she was here told him what she'd wanted to tell him before, but couldn't.

"I lost the baby." She meant to say it realistically, to tell him without any emotion, but the slight crack in her voice told him what he needed to know. He sat down across from her, put his hand out on top of hers, and offered a sad smile. So sympathetic. He'd always been good at that. There was always moments where he would have total sympathy, ever since they'd been children. Twelve years old with a found bruise, fourteen with a quiver in her voice, eighteen with her running to his house. Always sympathetic. Always wanting to fix.

"I know. I'm sorry that I wasn't here."

There was no fixing this, just as much as there was no fixing her past. They couldn't run past this and pretend that they had another chance, because twice this had happened and every other attempt had been a failure, they were running out of options.

"What are we going to do, Daniel?"

Sad eyes. A reminder that he, too, felt lost. He didn't know.

"We can try again, Regina."

"So I can fail you again?"

So much hurt in his eyes. He ran his fingers through her hair, never losing eye contact.

"No. You aren't failing me. I love you. And for all we know, it could be me-"

"It's _me_ , Daniel. You know it's me."

The beat of the music was the only filler.

"We can always adopt. That's an option. You know my parents adopted Matt, and it was fine. It was great. He got a new home and I got a new brother."

"What if it's a sign? That I'm not supposed to…That I'm not _good_ enough to raise a child?"

His eyes hardened.

"You know that isn't true."

"What if I'm just like her, Daniel? What if the universe is telling me I shouldn't because I'll be just like her, and our child will end up just like me-"

"There is nothing wrong with you, Regina. You aren't her. So stop."

A lonely bar with only the bar tender and the pair, suddenly less lonely but still desperate. The soft pounding of music in their ears. Dusty floors and dustier bottles. The unspoken promise of a soldier and a medic. A war that was both far away and oh so close to home.

"We'll figure something out."

A reminder that, at the very least, she was good enough for him.

* * *

"I don't think this is quiet what Henry meant when he said improve my comic book knowledge!"

"I don't think my son realizes that comic books don't exactly count as fun for me either, but what he doesn't know certainly won't hurt him."

The music was pounding in their ear drums, and they had to shout to talk. The bar was crowded, and even though this made Emma feel uneasy, as though she were back at her own job, it wasn't exactly unpleasant. With so many people, it was easier to blend in, it was easier to act as though she were simply another person in the crowd.

"Why the hell is this place so crowded, anyways? There's got to be a hundred bars in this town and everyone comes _here_?"

Regina looked around, almost lost for a moment before she turned her attention back to Emma.

"It's a real success story. This place went bankrupt about twelve years ago, and then David bought it up. Fixed the place up, made it nice. Now no one will go anywhere but here unless they're looking for someplace without a crowd."

Regina ordered them two drinks, and her voice was lost in the crowd. When she handed Emma the glass, Emma wasn't even sure what it was. Had Regina asked her what she wanted? It was so damned hazy in here she wondered if it was infiltrating her mind.

"It's the house special. It's good. Give it a try."

A fruity thing, something that drowned out all traces of alcohol and yet somehow managed to burn her throat. Emma wasn't so sure that she liked it, but she didn't hate it, and she wasn't about to turn down whatever Regina had to show her.

"It's okay!"

Regina nodded. The two of them were quiet a pair. Emma was still wearing parts of her uniform, and Regina looked almost as though she had just rolled out of bed. Fine for a place like this, where people didn't seem to matter, it was all about the crowd.

"So tell me about yourself, Miss Swan. Unless you really want to talk about comic books. In which case, I have a wide array of knowledge."

They had spoken about each others past in passing, and the fact that Regina was asking her to offer up something of herself in this setting was rather amazing. Regina herself didn't look relaxed, as though she were waiting for something to happen, but her attention was mostly turned to Emma.

"Uh. Like what?"

"Anything. Tell me your favorite breed of dog, for all I care."

"Okay. Uh. I was born and raised in New York. I was…I wasn't a stellar student, I guess, but I was really good at basketball. Joined the Army at 17 with my foster parents permission."

"You were a medic?"

"Yeah. Basically asked which job had the highest joining bonus and that's what was up at the time. It was that or nuclear, and lord knew I wasn't about to deal with nuclear shit."

Regina snorted softly, hiding her mouth with her drink.

"Did you graduate high school?"

"Got my GED and then left for Basic, basically. I mean. Not a lot of options out there for me. College was out of the picture."

"Why's that?"

"Didn't have the grades, didn't have the money. I was going to try for a sports scholarship but never did."

Regina nodded slowly.

"Why didn't you go to college?" Emma asked, almost a challenge but not quiet.

"What makes you think I didn't?"

"Well…I don't know. You seem like the business woman type but you aren't at some big corporation. And you aren't a doctor, which is what I would have assumed if I didn't know you at all."

Regina pondered this for a moment.

"I went to two years of school to become a medic with my husband. I'd always assumed I would go to get my bachelor eventually, though I couldn't tell you in what. I was set to go to Harvard Business school, which is what my mother had wanted, but I never really wanted to be in an office all day. In the end, I suppose going to finish everything just didn't happen. I was happy with where I was at and I didn't see the point in changing it."

"Harvard?" Emma exclaimed.

"Yes. It's not all it seems. My mother had contacts and my grades were very good. But it wasn't as though it was what I wanted so much as it was what my mother wanted."

"And you became a medic instead?"

"Yes."

"Why? If you were slated to be a businesswoman, what made you chose that? I can't imagine you had an upbringing around EMS."

Regina hesitated, and for a moment Emma regretted asking. It seemed like a sensitive topic that she had just breached, like she shouldn't have touched it at all. There were certain topics that she was learning she shouldn't touch, and perhaps she would have to add this to the list.

"My husband joined the reserve when he was 17, and came back with the bright idea that he wanted to be a fire medic. And I, idealistic as I was, thought I should follow him. Everyone thought we were slotted for failure. We moved in together when we graduated and went to school together. Somehow, it almost made our bond together stronger. We finished schooling and ended up partners in New York."

"Sounds like the ideal love story."

Regina hummed softly, finishing off her drink and setting it down.

"It was..Interesting. I wouldn't call it ideal. We weren't perfect. No one is. But we made it work. We were young and in love. We didn't think anything could take us down."

Emma hid her own lack of words by finishing her drink, letting it burn as it slid down and settle deep in her stomach. Regina held up a hand as though to order another one, and Emma's thoughts wandered to how much this night would cost if they were going to get drunk.

"If you don't mind me asking…Where was he stationed when…"

"Afghanistan. I don't know a lot about the base. I know that apparently the food was bad and there were a lot of IEDs on the road near their base."

"Sounds like everywhere," Emma said, and she found herself smiling just a little bit.

"You were in…"

"Afghanistan. Honestly, it sounds exactly like my base, but they were all very similar from what I heard."

Regina raised a brow but nodded. Their drinks capped, she took another to fill the silence.

"I wasn't lying when I told you that there are more than enough open spots at the station, Miss Swan. If you ever wanted to get your medic, we'd be more than willing to help pay it off. Assuming you'd want to go back to school, of course."

The quick change in conversational tone caught Emma off guard, and she had to think twice to try and figure out if she'd heard right. Such a jump.

"I…I wasn't lying either. I'll consider it, but right now I have a good gig going."

She nodded, and Emma was almost amazed with the speed at which Regina was drinking what she had ordered. Already gone.

"Should you take it a bit easy on that after today?"

"I can certainly handle myself, Miss Swan. Don't worry about me."

For some reason, she felt like she had to, like she had some obligation. Still, she couldn't tell that to Regina for fear that all hell would break lose if she so much as mentioned it.

Regina started to raise her hand again, but Emma put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. For a moment, she saw a spark of anger in Regina's eyes, but she wasn't trying to stop her so much as she was trying to say something fairly important.

"I tried your drink. How about we give one of mine a go?"

Amusement.

"Are you attempting to get me drunk, Miss Swan?"

She wasn't sure if that was the goal, but suddenly she had her own urge to drown away the day, and if they were going to have fun than they might as well have it done right.

"Perhaps I am."

Regina lowered her arm then, still amused, but waved as though giving her permission.

That was the go ahead, and she more than willing to indulge.


	16. Chapter 16

**Another short update! I don't know how much I can thank everyone for the reviews/favs/follows! It's been a fun ride!**

* * *

 _Oh, but do you want to hear the true story? The one that never gets told?_

 _Not the story of a true lover or even a drunk lover. Not the story of a passive engagement or unrequited love._

 _The true story is that love is not a flame. It is not a spark. It is not a light in the dark._

 _Love is simply an excuse to bring out that spark in yourself._

The music was as intoxicating as the drink. By the time both of them were finished, both of them were well beyond buzzed, it was almost impossible to tell which was the thing that had taken them down this road. Whether it was the shallow beats and chords in their ear drums of the drug in their system.

"Come, Miss Swan. Don't you want to dance?"

And then there was Regina, who had somehow gained composure during the process, who somehow managed to move so fluidly, so seductively, despite the fact that moments earlier she had looked uncomposed, sick, tired. Regina's bright eyes, innocence lost to the world around her, were so trained on Emma's body that she felt as though she were undressing. Regina's touch, which Emma was unaccustomed to, trailing her left arm. If she'd ever thought of the woman so much as laying a hand on her before, it wasn't like this.

This was simply _thrilling_.

Hand trailing down her arm, grabbing her hand by the fingertips. Coaxing her to follow. Emma obeying. Oh, but was this her? Or was it simply the alcohol in her system? The lights blinding her to the risk in this? She didn't care. The soft sound of the words _screw it_ passed through her mind. She didn't want to care right now.

There was so much to lose, and Emma didn't want to dwell on it. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow morning, when the hangover set in. But not now.

The song was unrecognizable, but then so was Regina. Her movements reminded Emma, briefly, of the movements of a teenager at a club. Inexperienced, simply moving with the music in an attempt to gain the attention of a lover. The reminder that she was experienced kept playing in Emma's mind, and so when she moved, when she touched, she was attempting to surpass that experience. She was trying oh so hard to feel Regina's eyes on her body again, to feel her hands trailing down her arms.

And there they were.

She could have shivered, but the movement was stalled in the reminder that she had to keep her head out of the water if she wanted to keep swimming in this territory. The music slowed from the angry pounding to something softer, right when Emma felt as though she were getting the hang of this, and almost without effort Regina coasted into a closer movement, wrapping an arm around Emma as though asking for permission to use the second.

"This is nothing," she heard Regina whisper, and there was heartbreak in that just as much as there was relief.

And then the music was done.

They pulled apart, and Emma realized that as graceful as they may have thought they were, they were stumbling now. Regina was still looking at her the same, and if that was any indication, then Emma had no doubt she was doing the same thing.

James was standing on one of the chairs, telling everyone to get home, they were closing, and while Emma felt a sudden flush of panic at having to go back home alone, Regina's hand still lingered close to hers.

"Shall I walk you home?"

"I live in the country."

"Well. I won't let you drive. Come."

It was a command, one she hadn't followed in years. Neal had never been commanding despite his role, he had always been soft and coaxing on their nights together. He gave her all the choices in the world. Regina didn't seem to have the same attitude. Not in her dance, not in her movements. She may have been coaxing, asking even in her own way, but she still commanded. And every cell in Emma's body responded.

She was excellent at following orders.

They must have looked like an odd pair, stumbling down Main Street, Emma trailing a step or two behind Regina, Regina not looking back. It felt as though hours had passed when they got to Regina's house, but it also felt like mere seconds, as though time was no obstacle for the night.

"Where am I staying?"

Regina gave her an odd look as he opened the door and stumbled through the doorway.

"Well, Miss Swan. That's up to you, isn't it?"

An open invitation that could easily end in failure, and Emma wasn't blind to that. She shivered and took a step forward into the dark house, her shoes somehow already gone off her feet.

And she went up the stairs after Regina.

* * *

There were no nightmares and no dreams that night.

When Emma awoke she heard the soft, calm beating of another heart in her ear. The other woman in the room still, her body relaxed, one arm around her midsection.

There was peace. And Emma rejoiced.

* * *

She wondered vaguely if she should try to sneak out when the morning came and there was no headache that pounded behind her eyes. She wondered if, in the darkness before the sun rose its head, if she should escape before Regina awoke and realized the mistake they had stumbled into last night.

She should make her way to Main Street and grab her car, drive off. Perhaps they could forget the whole ordeal and pretend that none of the last half had happened. Perhaps nothing had happened, for all Emma recalled was following and waking up. She knew what she should assume, that being entangled in Regina said all that needed to be said, but perhaps it had simply been an embrace that had led to their slumber.

However, it was so damned comfortable here. And it felt almost as though she had found a home, a brief home, from the night.

When the sun started to peak through the window, Emma finally decided to make her move out. She pushed from the bed as slowly as she could, trying not to make any sudden movements. Trying not to jostle the sleeping woman. It worked for approximately three minutes before the woman stirred and looked up to see Emma starting to exit.

"It's rude not to say goodbye," Regina remarked, hiding her eyes from the sunlight with her arm.

"I thought I'd let you sleep?"

"So I could pretend that last night was a dream, I suppose?"

Emma didn't know if that was what she had wanted, but she realized that, with the words out in the open and real, that that was what she had been afraid would happen. She didn't know much, but she realized the stark terror in her chest that came with the realization that that could have happened.

"What happened after we got here?"

Regina chuckled, moving her arm so she could look at Emma, meet her eyes and assess her.

"Oh, Miss Swan. You worry so much, don't you?"

"What happened?"

Regina slowly pushed herself up. Beckoning her closer with another fluid movement. Emma responded, moving and sitting on her bed. Was this a sacred place? Had this once been a place of worship between Regina and her husband?

Closer, closer, closer, until Regina was right at her ear.

"Nothing, dear. I think we had something in mind, but we crashed far before it happened." The woman whispered into her ear.

There was relief, a brief moment of relief, and so Emma decided that she could hold that piece of information close to her heart in the same way that she had held the sound of Regina's heartbeat cloe. Nothing. There was no sin here, she decided.

"Are you happy?" Regina asked, and pulled away.

"Yes," Emma answered automatically. Yes, she was happy, but it wasn't because nothing had happened, it was because whatever brief moment they had shared had brought her a small amount of joy that she hadn't felt since…Well, since Neal.

"Good."

"I'm happy about last night, Regina…"

"I know. I am too." A sigh. "Now go, Miss Swan. Before it fades."

"Can I stay?"

A small smile played on her lips, almost devilish, and then she shook her head.

"Perhaps another night."

Emma nodded and got up again, already halfway down the stairs when a whisper seemed to travel through the halls and to her.

"It's been a pleasure, Emma."

She stuck her hands in her pockets as she walked down the streets, and despite the fact that she was damned confused and she wasn't sure exactly what was supposed to be done, there was still the tinkering of joy in her chest. She passed the bar, where soft melodies melted out of the door, and she couldn't help but remember the slow dance, the way that Regina moved, the way that everything seemed to simply _fit_.

And then, like a knock to the chest, she could remember the other words spoken by the woman during that night. She ducked her head as she walked.

 _This is nothing._

And no amount of peace on earth would likely change that.


	17. Chapter 17

**As always, thanks a lot! If any of you have any questions, comments, etc. don't hesitate to ask! I honestly love any feedback or clarifying anything.**

 **As a lot of you guys know, I put a lot of my personal background into these stories. So just for reference-Any mentions of NY Fire/EMS mainly comes from a Medic partner I have here. He was a fresh EMT when 9/11 occurred, and suffers from a lot of the same problems that Regina has health wise. Most of the standing orders/medication/etc. I reference in here comes directly from our local protocol. (Not gonna lie, some of our protocol is a bit jacked and out of standard, so it's not necessarily what you're going to find in most big cities.) Most mentions of Emma's soldiering days come from my family experience. I come from a long line of Marines, my cousins side comes from a long line of Soldiers, and a short list comes from Airmen.**

 **Basically, just wanted to give you guys a brief overview of where I'm coming from, why some things are written the way they are, etc. No excuses, of course.**

 **As always, enjoy the story!**

* * *

 _I'd never ask you cuz deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say…_

Emma hadn't been totally wrong.

Once upon a time, long ago, this place had been a place of worship. Perhaps not as much of a place of worship as the flat in New York had been. But every once in a while, when Daniel would come home exhausted, this had been their one true home, this had been their place of religious worship. Of each other, of their own safety.

Years ago.

It wasn't that place anymore, of course. She had changed almost everything, altered it. The bed was not their bed, the pictures on the wall no longer their framework, their proof of existence, their proof of love. No. This place was not what it had been. And despite the hesitation, despite her telling Emma to go, it had had little to do with the fact that this place had once been hers and Daniels. It was no longer that place, after all. It had been to long. This was simply the ruins of that place.

She regretted telling Emma to go after she heard the door shut, so softly, as though she didn't want to disturb. There was no taking it back, of course, no way of calling and telling her to come, that she could stay. And Regina wasn't so sure that she wanted that.

She just hadn't wanted Emma to misunderstand.

The warmth in her chest was hard to fight off, and eventually she gave up in trying, just letting it settle there. Letting it rest. Te warmth was rarely there anymore, only ever present when she saw Henry. And even that was a different kind of warmth. Regina wasn't sure how to identify this.

She knew she didn't _want_ it. But she also knew that she didn't want it to go away.

It was a hard line to balance on.

She pushed herself up, forcing herself to get dressed while trying not to think about why they had both woken up fairly unclothed. She could kid herself all she wanted. Even if what Emma had thought had happened _hadn't_ , it didn't really matter in the end. Because there was still some lingering intimacy in the way they had woken up, in the fact that the two of them hadn't been unwilling, even with the effects of the drink on their system.

 _This is nothing…_

Oh, but it was. Of course it was. Every movement she'd made, she'd made to make Emma's eyes slide over her body. Every moment that Emma moved was something, it was something beautiful, and she couldn't resist that much. They were both moving for each other, and neither could deny it. Neither could deny that it had worked, that both of them had somehow managed to keep the others attention on themselves.

Where was the lie in that night?

The drive to the hospital was uneventful, though she found that she had turned the stereo up higher, trying to drown out the thoughts in her heads. Just don't think about it, and it didn't happen. Just don't let it bother you.

Parked car, into hospital. Not meeting the eyes of any of the staff, because lord knows that they'd see something, whether it be joy or confusion, and it would be different than the hardened gaze that they had all become so accustomed to. She turned into Henry's room and saw Whale talking to him. The boy looked so enthused, so overjoyed, and all other thoughts melted from her mind.

"What's going on?" she asked, forcing herself to look calmer. Henry looked over at her, basically bouncing at this point.

"I can go home today, Mom!"

She glanced at Whale, who gave a small smile in her direction. If he had discussed this with her first, she would have brought up all the potential problems. But then, it wasn't as if she hadn't known it was coming, and it wasn't as if she couldn't be overjoyed with the idea that her boy was well enough to leave this god forsaken place.

"Is that so? Well, he must have heard about my plan to give away all of your gaming devices before you came back and thwarted it, didn't he?"

Henry made a face.

"You wouldn't do that."

No, she wouldn't. It didn't matter how much she despised most of the games he insisted on playing, it didn't matter that she had mostly cast the blame on Kathryn whenever he asked her why she got them for him. She couldn't crush those things, those stories in their own right. She didn't have the power, and she most certainly didn't have the heart.

"Mills. Can I talk to you outside?"

She nodded curtly and turned around, going far outside of the doorway and hoping that Henry wouldn't hear what they had to discuss. It wouldn't matter, she supposed. He had the hearing of a hawk.

"I know you probably wish I would have discussed this with you, first, and if you have any lasting concerns than we can certainly go over them. But I see no reason to keep him here. He's more than stable. And I know you're worried, but there really is no need to be. He'll be fine."

"His lungs?"

"Are fine, Mills. I know you're worried that we graced over it, but we didn't. We paid attention. He might have some slight irritation, but that's about it. There are no lasting effects."

So much sympathy. It was irritating.

"He has no signs of scarring. He might have a small bit of trouble breathing with excretion, but you know that that's to be expected. The scarring on his skin is healing fine. He's healthy in the most literal sense."

"And you're sure he's ready today?"

"I wouldn't have said a word to him about it if I wasn't."

Whale, with whom she'd spent so many irritating hours with when she'd first come here. Their medical direction, the one with whom she'd argued with over what they were allowed to do. Who knew her own medical history like it was a textbook. She trusted Whale, perhaps more so than she thought she should.

"Alright," she gave in. "Alright, fine."

"You're more than welcome to come back if anything worries you, but I assure you-"

"I said fine, Whale. I…I trust your judgment."

He nodded.

"I'll grab the paperwork."

"I'll…I'll help Henry get ready."

Walking into this room always made her uneasy. Henry had been in the hospital a total of one time before today, a broken arm, and it had been nothing like this. There had never been the crushing fear in her chest that she would lose her little boy. Her little boy, whose voice would soon be changing. Her little boy, who would soon be growing, whose joints would start cracking. Her little boy, who would soon be looking at her coddling as embarrassing.

She wondered if Daniel would handle this better. If he would understand this change a little better. If he would smile at her and tell her that it was alright, that boys grow up, that it was normal.

He was already half out of his bed when she came in, and with a simple holding up of her hand, a stop sign, he paused as though he had been caught in the act of doing something bad.

"Slow, Henry. Take it slow."

"I've been slow for the past month, Mom."

Oh, and there it was. How easily he would have obeyed only a year ago. It wasn't so much rebellion as it was the subtle hint of annoyance in his voice. He wanted to go, and he wanted to go now. She couldn't say she blamed him.

She took a few steps towards him before sitting down next to him. He sighed, obviously annoyed. He was playing the wrong cards, and he knew it, but he was toeing a line and he was going to get away with it. She could easily take him home and make him stay in bed, and he was well aware. She could probably play some cards to make him stay. But she wouldn't.

"Don't sigh at me. You know you have to take it easy."

Preaching to the chore. He gave her the look, _You should talk,_ but gave a small, short nod.

"Henry. I almost lost you."

He didn't want to have this talk, not anymore than any teenage boy did. He didn't want to hear her talk to him about serious stuff that pertained to him. He could give her as many lectures as he wanted on her, he could look after her, but he was getting to the point that he didn't want to be looked after, either.

"But you didn't. Estoy bien, Mom. I'm fine."

He knew her ticks far better than she liked. She'd tried to teach him Spanish at a young age, his grandfathers tongue, and though he'd learned very little, he'd learned what it did to her. How it seemed to calm her instantly, how it seemed to bring her peace. When he had gotten in trouble he'd used it to his advantage, and he'd gotten away with a far bit more than she'd like to admit. He understood that it meant something to her, though she was glad he didn't understand why.

Her mothers brutality was something she never wanted him to understand, to touch. There was a reason he didn't know his grandmother besides the brief interactions they'd had whenever he'd seen his grandfather. He'd known his grandfather had been fluent in the language, he knew he'd been named after the man. What he didn't know was the soft spoken words of the man to Regina when she'd been young. He hadn't known the cowardly man who wouldn't stick up for his daughter, but who would come into her bedroom and tell her stories in his native tongue, who would sooth her with those words.

"I can't lose you, Henry."

He was all she had.

"You didn't. You won't. Dad left, but I won't."

A promise he couldn't keep forever. Who knew what he would chose to do with his life? Once upon a time, he'd spoken of joining the Army like his father, being a hero. Now, she couldn't imagine it. For all the ways that he had reminded her of him, he wasn't like his father. He was too gentle, too passive. Daniel had fight in him. He'd been determined, he'd been a leader. He'd wanted to charge into every situation. Henry wasn't like that. And Henry had other choices.

But that didn't mean that he'd choose one of them. She couldn't stop him from making any choice. Including one that could result in him being gone before her.

"You know I only want what's best for you. I just want you to be okay."

"I know. I'll be slower, Mom. Okay?"

That wasn't what this was about anymore, it was about a hundred things more deep than that, but she wasn't going to argue it.

"But Mom? You have to be slow, too."

A reminder. For what the night had been, for what joy she'd had, the morning had been anything but. A reminder that she, too, could be gone at any moment. Yesterday had simply proven it.

"I know. I will."

Henry gave her a disbelieving look but none the less let himself be helped. He was still slow, painfully so, but he moved alright. When a nurse came in with a wheelchair, however, he flat out refused.

"No way."

"Henry…"

"No. Way. I'm walking."

She gave him an amused look and rolled her eyes, childish in her own way before gesturing the nurse to go with a wave of her hand. Surprisingly, she left.

"Remember what we said about taking it slow?"

"I can walk _slow_."

And oh, did he ever. By the time they were in the car, he seemed to have lost most of his energy. The drive home was uneventful, quiet. Not unlike any other drive home from the hospital since he'd been there. She kept the radio off, listening for every inhale, every exhale. Making sure he was alright.

 _Air goes in and out. Blood goes round and round. Any deviation is a problem._

He was alright. He was good. Sleeping, exhausted, maybe in a bit of pain. But alright.

She thanked god for this. When she parked the car in front of the house and woke him up, telling him to go to bed, there was no argument.

Good.


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry for the wait, guys! Here we go, in any case! By the way, if I don't PM you after you ask a specific question, it's because I hope to clear things up in a later chapter. I'm not ignoring you, don't worry! Thanks a lot!**

* * *

The doorbell rang right as Regina was getting ready to go out. It was meant to be brief, a quick stop at the station to update Grahm on what needed to be done during her absence while Henry was still recovering. She was very close to opening the door, telling the person to leave and then slamming it in their face.

Until she saw who was there.

"Miss Swan."

She looked so damned timid standing in that doorway, as though she were invading some highly personal moment instead of a daily routine.

"Hi…"

Was that all? The only words that were to come from her mouth whilst she was standing at her doorway at seven in the morning?

"Hello. What can I help you with, dear?"

So much hesitation reflected in the girls eyes. As though she were afraid Regina would bite her head off. Which, frankly, she might if Emma didn't say something in the next few moments. After all, Regina had a place to be so that she could come back.

"I, uh. I went to the hospital and heard Henry was discharged. I don't think I got the memo?"

"I don't recall having to give you one."

Hurt flashed in Emma's eyes, and Regina felt momentarily guilty before she went back into her house, leaving the door open as an invite for Emma to step in.

"I'm sorry. I'm just very busy, Emma."

"Can I ask?"

Anyone else? Probably not. Emma? For today, yes.

"I have to give some information to Grahm and get back. I'd rather not leave Henry alone for a long stretch of time, and I'd rather not get caught up having to go on a call because some lazy…" She stopped herself, shaking her head. "I'm just having a hard time juggling things right now, Emma."

Emma paused but nodded, sticking her hands into her pockets. She said nothing else.

"So if you wouldn't mind leaving me be so that I can-"

"I can stick around and keep an eye on Henry."

Regina stopped dead in her tracks. Her back had been to Emma, and for some reason there was a visible slump the moment the words came from Emma's mouth. Emma couldn't trace it.

"I don't have to, if you don't want me to. I just thought…."

"Why?" Regina countered, her voice stony once more.

Why? Well, that was the question for the century, wasn't it? Emma didn't know why. Why on earth did she want to spend time with the curly haired boy? Why did she want to help him and, furthermore, Regina? She didn't think it had a lot to do with last night, though that weighed heavily on her mind. It could simply be the fact that she'd spent enough time with the boy.

"I don't know."

Regina was walking away, and instantly Emma followed. She didn't know if it was wise. There was the chance that it could backfire. Dangerous territory, treading into the den of a lioness. A lioness that could rip your face off at any given moment.

"Mom?"

And there was her cub. On the top of the stairs, clad in pajamas that seemed far too big for him. She wondered if they'd always been that baggy or if it had simply been because of lost weight. He didn't look sick anymore, not as bad off, but damn if he didn't look exhausted. She could see dark circles around his eyes, could see him leaning against the rail of the stair case. Regina's attention was immediately taken from Emma, back to her son, and for a moment the situation seemed to calm.

"Henry," she addressed, the softest voice she had heard from the woman in a while. There was an almost polarizing pull in the room. Regina obviously had to go. There was no changing it. She had a job to do, even if it was obvious that there was one much more important to her.

"You going?"

He didn't look hurt, or even like he was worried. It seemed as though he were used to this, as though this had been his life for far too long. Her chest hurt just looking at it. The way Regina's posture seemed to fall, and the way Henry wasn't bothered by it.

"Yes…Miss Swan…I…"

"I can stay. If Henry's cool with it?"

He smiled at her, a toothy grin, and nodded. She didn't know why she offered again, when the first offer had obviously been unwelcome. There was something eerily familiar about this scene, though, and also eerily different. Once upon a time, she had been in a similar position, sick, wanting her foster family to take care of her. An angry blowback. _Take care of yourself_. You're old enough.

A moment's hesitation.

"Thank you," she muttered, starting out the door. "Behave, Henry. Sleep."

The door shut as silently as it had only the morning before, with opposite woman on opposite sides. Similar results. An empty feeling in both women's chests.

Henry went down the stairs slowly, every step reminding Emma that there was a chance, a chance, that he would be slow forever.

"Need something, kid?"

" 'as gonna watch TV…"

Emma wondered if that was the brightest idea, but instead of arguing she nodded and offered him a shoulder to lean on. He took it.

"You know, you're mom is right. You do need to sleep."

"Not tired."

Emma smirked .Oh no. Not tired at all. He looked like a sleepy puppy at this point. But she didn't argue it, leading him to the TV and helping him lay down before sitting across from him and tossing him a remote. He flipped through them slowly and then tossed it back to her.

"There's nothing on I haven't seen yet. You chose."

He wasn't necessarily grumpy, just tired in the physical sense, and she could see it on him. And no doubt he was bored. He'd been trapped inside, and she couldn't imagine finally being home and not being able to do anything even though there were no restraints.

Oh, wait. Yeah. She could imagine it. She knew it.

"Wanna play one of your games?" she offered, and he raised a brow at her.

"Mom didn't tell you not to?"

"You're mom literally said two words to me. I didn't hear a no."

A smile grew on his face before he nodded eagerly and pointed. '

"It's over there! Do you know how to start it?"

She gave him an amused look. "I'm a firefighter. We play that thing like a boss, Henry. What game you want?"

He hesitated for a moment.

"You won't tell Mom I have it?"

She raised a brow. Yeah, she probably would. But not in front of the kid.

"What game is it?"

"Grahm let me borrow COD…"

Oh yeah, Regina would have a fit. Emma had no doubt, from what she'd seen of the woman. Still, they had time, and she didn't really see the harm in it. The kid didn't exactly look like a serial killer ready to go.

"Sure. Where's it at?"

"In the bookshelf…It's in a Tales of Symphonia box…"

He'd thought things through. Clever boy. Hide it in plain sight.

She grabbed it, wiggled it playfully and popped the CD in, started up the system and grabbed two controllers before tossing one to Henry and grabbing one for herself. She propped her feet up and when she glanced over at Henry, found that he was doing the same.

They played for forty minutes, maybe, before she decided that it would probably be a good idea to hide the disk away from Regina in case she got back. He nodded in agreement, tossing the controller at her.

"You're really good at that."

"Catching things? Why, thank you."

"No. The game."

Emma paused. She'd spent a lot of time messing with it over the years. Hell, she and her buddies had been joking about it since they joined the Army, and her fire partners did the same.

"I played a lot of it when I was younger. And now, too, I guess."

"You're parents were okay with it?"

Emma hesitated, smiling a little at him.

"No. I, uh. I didn't really have any parents. And I started playing it when I was on base after boot."

He stared at her, as if trying to piece things together.

"Like boot camp?"

"Yep ."

"You were a soldier?"

She didn't know whether or not it was a good idea to talk to him about this, whether Regina would approve or not. Though, she supposed, since Regina's husband had been one, it would make sense that Henry would want to know about the Army, about being a soldier.

"Yes. Yes, I was."

"My dad was a soldier…"

She'd known that, but he wouldn't have known that she's known. Whatever Emma knew about the Mills life, she had gained mostly away from him.

" That's what you're mom was saying."

Henry pointed. "He got those medals, I think."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Mom doesn't like to talk about it, though."

Emma didn't suppose she would. But then, Henry probably wanted to know.

"You miss him?"

"I didn't know him," Henry stated, shrugging.

"Doesn't mean you can't miss him," Emma said, sitting next to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. He didn't flinch away, didn't fidget. In fact, he seemed to relax under her touch. "I never knew my parents, and I missed them."

"You didn't have either of your parents?"

"No. I had foster families. Kind of like adoption, only less permanent."

"I know what adoption is. I was adopted, too."

She stared at him for a moment, because it had never come up previously, because Regina hadn't so much as said a word. She supposed it didn't matter. The boy was so much Regina's that she was sure the link in and of itself would prove nurture as a dominating fact over nurture.

"Y-yeah?"

"Yeah…"

It seemed like a fact of life for him, something he had long since accepted. There wasn't any bitterness in his words, no anger. None of the things she had expressed so vehemently as a child. He knew, and that was that. It was as though he were saying 'I have black hair' or 'I have hazel eyes, too.'

It amazed her. Because she'd never experienced it before.

She'd never known someone to embrace it.

"I guess I miss him. Kind of. But I mainly miss him for Mom. She loved him. I think…She told me once, when she thought I was asleep, that I was the only person that kept her heart beating. He was that person, a long time ago I think…"

"That's…That's gotta be a lot of pressure for you, huh?"

He shrugged. "It's what family does. We help each other. We fight each other's monsters away." He paused. "You fought my mom's monsters away. How come?"

Emma didn't know. She knew that it had been the right thing to do, but that wasn't the driving factor. Nor had the driving factor been two nights ago, body against body, moving, dancing. The motivation hadn't lay there, and even if it had, Henry certainly didn't need to hear about it. So she came up with the only thing she could come up with.

"It was the right thing to do…"

Henry accepted the answer.

"I think…I think my dad would have liked you. And I think Mom likes you, too."

Platonically, of course, that was his thinking. And of course she didn't mind that, she would rather be liked platonically than disliked altogether.

"I hope so, kid. I hope so."

He hummed softly, and Emma could almost drift off to it, could almost fall asleep to the sound of his vocals. So soft, melodic. Such a familiar tune that she couldn't place her finger on. It felt like millions of years since she'd heard a tune like that. A hundred summers ago…

 _And when I get to heaven to Peter I will tell…_

"Just another soldier reporting, sir, I've done my time in hell…"


	19. Chapter 19

Stabler was looking at a picture in the middle of the mess hall. Emma only spotted him out of pure luck, and when she slid in next to him he didn't so much as look up at her. He was smiling, his face light and bright. He set the picture down and she glanced down.

A house.

"Dreaming about what could have been?" she asked him. He looked up at her, and he still looked overjoyed, as though no one on earth could take away whatever feeling he had brewing in his chest.

"No. What's going to be."

What a curious thing to say. She looked back down at the picture and up at him, squinting. Trying to figure him out.

"You're moving," she stated, and she smiled a little before nudging him. "What, transferring units when we get out?"

A shadow crossed his face, but he smiled shortly after.

"No. I'm getting out. My contracts coming up."

"You ain't re-uping?" She was surprised. Out of all the people that she would have assumed would sign the dotted line without a second thought, Stabler was the first on the last. He was gung ho, far more gung ho than most of their unit. He had his doubts, she knew that, but she also knew that he was happy for what had been given to him.

"I have a family to think about. There's a fire station not five blocks away, and they give preference to people like me. We can get away from the hustle and bustle. We can finally focus on being a family."

It was strange to her. This was her family. It was the closest she had ever gotten. And the idea of Stabler not being there to run their morning PT sessions made her more than a little upset. She wouldn't show it, of course. She wouldn't let him know he'd gotten under her skin.

"Wife finally pregnant?"

"No. But we can focus on that, too, when I get back. I'll be back where I need to be. " He gave her a look. "You'll be fine, Swan. You're a fine soldier."

A smile in his direction.

"You'll be a fine father."

Fading out, waking up. Being back in reality was always a pain after dreams like that, but it was one she learned to deal with.

That had been a mere week before the tests had come back, the result of _you're pregnant_ on the paper. An official statement. Stabler looking at her with sad, tired eyes. Trying to help and succeeding.

Many times she'd remember this conversation and she'd wonder about his wife. Whether she'd moved on. It had been years ago, Emma realized. If she'd been allowed to stay in the Army and hadn't died in combat, she would have been an E-5 at least by now. Certainly Stablers family had moved on. Certainly they were okay. Perhaps they were even living in that new house.

Her eyes drifted across the room, only to land on Regina. She had pulled a chair up and was reading, a sort of déjà vu from the hospital. She noticed Emma looking at her and peaked her head up, smiling.

"I didn't want to wake you. You looked peaceful."

She stretched slightly, and suddenly felt the weight on her. Henry had fallen asleep and somehow drifted into her lap, snoring loudly. There wasn't going to be much moving, she guessed.

"He sleeps like a rock. I can move him, if you wish."

She almost said no, because she didn't want to risk disturbing the kid, but the urge to stretch became more powerful by the minute. She nodded slowly and Regina got up, moving him so that his head rested besides Emma's leg. Emma got up, testing every muscle as she did.

"How long have you been home?"

"About an hour. Grahm didn't need as much direction as I'd thought."

Emma glanced at the clock, which read 1:35 pm.

"Have to go to work?"

"I'm off. But I can go."

The reaction from Regina earlier this morning had certainly been brought up to mind, how quickly she'd wanted to dismiss Emma. Emma would rather not come across that again. It had terrified her, to an extent. Not because she was afraid of Regina but because she found that she didn't want to be pushed away.

At the same time, she'd rather not push back.

"Stay for dinner. I'm certain Henry would love the company."

Such a quick change. As though a switch had been hit in Regina's head. From angry and almost bitter to soft spoken.

"You sure? I can just go home, if it's too much."

"Stay," Regina stated, and if Emma didn't know any better she could have sworn that Regina had purred.

Emma glanced at the TV, which had been switched off. Regina must have seen it and been quick to shut it off. They'd taken out the disk, at least, so Henry would be spared from trouble for another day.

Regina moved up, gesturing for Emma to follow her. There would have been hesitation at any other time, but it was as though Regina beckoned for her, as though she had a call specifically matched for Emma's response. Her hips moved fluidly, her steps careful but confident, and Emma felt trapped.

She didn't think she'd ever felt so good trapped.

Emma didn't move nearly as gracefully following her, but then she didn't have anyone to beckon. She slid her hands into her pockets and moved, following Regina into the kitchen and sitting down at the bar stool.

"Anything to drink, dear?"

"Waters good…"

And even as she did that, she seemed to call for Emma. Emma couldn't keep her eyes off the woman, and only managed to tear away when Regina had turned to face her, leaning over the table and sliding the drink at her. She moved to sit next to Emma, and still she found it was hard to keep her eyes to herself.

"I hope my son didn't annoy you too much. He's a bit much at times."

"He was fine. He was good. We had a nice conversation."

Regina raised a brow.

"And then watched Lion King?"

Oh, that damned trickster. Play something his mother would no doubt disagree with and then put in an innocent movie. He almost reminded Emma of herself at that age.

"Yeah."

Regina took a sip of her own drink and leaned back, studying Emma carefully.

"May I ask what you conversed about?"

Emma didn't know if she should reveal that much, but then, Regina was Henry's mother. She couldn't keep things from her, even if she felt like perhaps she should.

"He wanted to know about my time in the Army…" A flash in Regina's eyes. "I think…I think it helped him some. I didn't talk about any of the bad stuff, really. I just mentioned I was in and he said his dad had been too."

"He's never brought much interest into the subject before," Regina mused, and there was a faraway look in her eyes. "He used to play soldier, a long time ago. But it faded away. Age does that, I suppose."

Emma nodded, looking back down at her glass. Such fine glassware for such a small occasion. She wondered if Regina had anything small in her house at all.

"How long were you in?" Regina asked, casting her a glance.

"Two years." A strange look. "I got…I got kicked out."

This was a woman who no doubt knew more about the military than many that had not been in. And it wasn't exactly uncommon knowledge that getting kicked out was hard. Four year contracts were the norm, and those who tried to get kicked out were often unsuccessful.

"May I ask why?"

Emma didn't know if she was allowed to ask that, she didn't know if Regina had a right in knowing. Still, she couldn't keep it a secret forever. It would get out eventually. Small town gossip and what not.

"Fraternizing."

She nodded slowly.

"That's a shame."

"I guess."

She met Regina's eyes, and what she thought she'd see was judgment. She thought for sure that Regina would be looking at her with disgust. Wherever her husband had been on the food chain, it didn't matter. She knew what that could mean, and Emma didn't feel like elaborating. But no. There was no judgment. Not even pity. Just silent contemplation.

"Gonna tell me to get out?" Emma asked nervously.

"Why on earth would I do that?"

Because it wasn't a good thing. And getting kicked out, leaving her unit, was not a good thing. Especially admitting it to the wife of someone who had died over there.

"Because I got out." And he didn't. Your husband didn't.

"Miss Swan. If I spent every waking moment hating every Soldier, Airman, Marine or Sailor that got back, I would have much more hate in my heart than what it could hold."

"But I'm in front of you."

"Yes. But you had nothing to do with what happened to him. You didn't even know him. I won't waste my breath on hating you. I don't have enough breaths."

Emma let out a sigh that she didn't know she'd been holding in, taking a full look of Regina again.

"Can I ask you something?"

Regina hummed in response, and Emma didn't know if that was the go ahead signal or the shut up one. But she dove in anyways.

"What's between us? Right now?"

"That was a quick subject change, Miss Swan."

"I'm serious. One night we're sleeping in the same bed and drinking and the next you're angry. And then you want me to stay for dinner? I just…I can't figure you out."

Regina leaned forward, and Emma almost thought she was going to get yelled at again. Instead, Regina touched her forehead to hers and pulled back.

"Perhaps that's why I'm letting you stick around. To figure me out. And to decide whether I'm worth it."

And there it was, a grain of truth in what felt like a tangle of confusion. It was a test of sorts, Emma realized, and just as quickly as she understood that she also understood that she'd passed.

One test, she'd passed. One. She wondered how many others there would be.

"Why is this so damned difficult?"

"Because we're making it so. I'm afraid, Miss Swan, that that's a part of being human."

Emma didn't know if she wanted that. She didn't want to play games. She didn't even know what she was playing for at this point. But she also knew that whatever had happened between the last couple of months, however these two had managed to bury themselves into her heart, that she couldn't possibly stop it.

The game was much more difficult than Emma liked.

"Can't we just be animals?"

Regina teased a smile.

"Oh, Miss Swan. That's the beautify of it. We are."

Animals playing in a den. Animals hunting and killing to stay alive. Animals breeding and animals taking care of their young. Acting on instinct.

That's all they were.

It was just a different jungle.


	20. Chapter 20

Henry had crawled into bed not long after eating. He'd refused help, rather vehemently, and had made the slow crawl up the stairs and into his room. Through the walls, Regina could hear the soft pounding of music, the sort of thing she'd become accustomed to over the years. It calmed him. It soothed him.

For a short while before the fire, if they ever got into an argument, he would go into his room and play music. She would always know he was upset then, because it wasn't soft beats, it wasn't calm melodies. It was harsher. It was in a key that, long ago, she would have been able to identify.

He was not upset tonight. He was at peace.

It left her and Emma in a familiar situation, just the two of them. She picked up dishes, she handed them off to Regina to put into the washer, and leaned against the wall.

"That was…Pleasant."

Regina had to agree. As she ducked down to put each piece of dishware into the washer, she couldn't help but keep her head turned away so that Emma could not see her smile. It felt familiar, it felt safe. Pleasant.

"Yes. Yes it was."

She closed the door, hit a button, and moved to assess Emma. She looked more at home in this place, now, as though she had found a little spot in the house.

"I should, uh. I should probably go."

Regina almost agreed. It would be the wise thing to do. Unless they wanted to repeat their ventures from the last time, which it seemed neither was thrilled to think about. Or rather, just didn't want to think about.

"Stay," she offered, for the second time tonight. She offered a hand, but let it drop, instead moving to the living room again. Emma found, once more, she had to follow. "Henry will be fast asleep soon."

She didn't know whether this was a good idea. Perhaps it would fall back on them in the worst ways. But Regina had the smallest amount of alcohol in her system, and who knew when she would get Emma by herself again? Who knew whether the woman would dart away? In her own right, Regina almost hoped this to happen, and on the other hand she feared it. She didn't wish to have another in her life. Lord, did she _crave_ it, however. Even if it was only for the night.

Even if it would only be before it faded.

The sun was setting beautifully, casting shadows around the house. Wandering eyes that would flee by the time the stars came.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Emma asked, but she wasn't running away. No, she was running towards the woman in slow, timid steps.

"I don't make decisions lightly, Miss Swan."

Emma trailed until Regina stopped at the couch, and turned her head to the side.

"Do you, Miss Swan?"

She did. She so often did. She ran into things without thinking and then backed away. Perhaps that's why the pull was so prevalent. She didn't want to think about the consequences of the action she so wanted to take.

"Yes. But not tonight."

Regina seemed to accept this answer, casting her eyes to the window. The last sliver of light was disappearing, slowly moving downward. The shadows disappeared with it, sinking into the depths of the earth once more. Leave the lovers be. It was the earths sign.

"I must warn you, I am not an eloquent lover."

Everything else in the house spoke otherwise. But then, what was eloquent about what they wanted? It was an animalistic need.

"I'm not either."

"Well. That settles that, doesn't it?"

Emma did not follow her, for once. Instead, Regina cast her eyes to the side, where another room lay dormant, and Emma nodded slowly, moving towards the direction. Regina let her take lead.

It was the only way to make things fair.

* * *

The human body is an interesting thing.

It moves so easily within the confines of another. Human bodies are meant to be together.

As Emma ran her hands along the woman's body, she found marks, rises. There were scars on her body in the same way that there were no doubts scars on both womans minds. There was no halt in movement, no halt in taking in the other.

She decided that whatever she found on this night would not phase her.

Company was far enough reason to keep her planted.

She found that it was much more than even that.

It was a reminder of what adrenaline without running was like. It was the reminder of what voices in the dark told. It was the sound of nothingness surrounding them, embracing them, taking them in as one of their own.

It was the fact that shame was not a part of this.

Regina was right. She wasn't an eloquent lover.

But this, whatever it was, was something of poetry. Of art.

* * *

The music was gone by the time they woke up, and the sun starting to rise. Emma rose slowly with it, replacing cloths and making her way out of the room. There was no disturbance from Regina, who rested peacefully.

 _Here's to forbidden love, Swan._

She erased the picture from her mind. It was not the same situation. It wasn't even close.

This was not forbidden. There was hesitation between the two of them, a space that neither of them could touch. But that did not make it forbidden. No.

And if it had been, if the spaces made them untouchable, then she didn't much mind touching what was forbidden. Last night was worth it.

She shut the door silently and got into her car, driving to the fire hall for her next shift. Killian would give her a hard time for not yet being in uniform, and she would say not a word. Even if this was not forbidden, it was between the two of them for now. If anyone was to know first, if anyone had that right, it would be Henry.

She parked the car and moved into the hall, where Nathan was waiting to be relieved. He held up a hand to her and made his way out, already read to go. The constant moving in this place was without measure. Men and women waiting to go home to their families or their beds. Occasionally lingerers stayed to speak with friends while the sun made its grand entrance, talk of calls and family. Each story melting into the other.

This was a part of their trade. It was hard to separate the two.

Killian was already on the couch, flipping through channels when she came in. A familiar nod in her direction while she plopped down in the chair. Not a mention of uniform. Leave it be.

Let sleep overtake you, for there wasn't enough last night. Too much to explore, too much to feel for sleep.

Safety is an illusion. But she did feel it.

* * *

Regina had met Daniel on a camping experience. The kind that parents send their kids to so that they may have some peace. This particular one was a horse riding camp, and Regina had been excited.

The first few days had been nothing but boredom. Girls were harsh, they were mean, and they were below her in every respectable regard. It was hard to make friends when you had little in common, and harder still when Regina could barely register them.

She met Daniel when they were allowed to ride.

He had been her age, and had attained some kind of scholarship to go. His parents had been almost unwilling, but he'd begged, and they'd allowed it. He was an expert rider, Daniel. Almost like he had it in his blood.

Fear was not something he seemed to hold for her. They'd been partnered up, told that they were to look out for each other, and instead of scowling he'd offered her a hand. A small boy, short and skinny. Brown hair, torn jeans.

"Where you from?"

"New York."

"Me too!"

His grammer had appalled her, but she learned to get over it quickly. He spoke often enough that there were few holes for her to jump in, and she honestly didn't mind. He told such stories! Not worldly, not in the least, but he had the imagination to fill an entire world.

When they'd parted at the end of camp, she'd almost cried. He had managed to become her first real friend.

She saw him again in school, with the same torn jeans and baggy sweatshirt. He'd grinned and waved at her, and she'd found it almost impossible not to wave back. Her mother considered him a charity project, told her that if she wanted to befriend mutts than she may as well become one. Their friendship was tolerated only because Regina's father had spoken to Cora, telling her that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing for Regina to learn about those who were not like her.

 _She'll learn to associate with her own sooner than later, Henry._

School became easier with Daniel. He become a confidant. Any partnership that was chosen became a default, they two of them expected to stay around each other.

He'd found the bruise when they'd gone swimming.

"What's that from?"

"I fell." Another default. She didn't want to think of fists.

"Weird fall," he stated, glancing at her knowingly. She almost wished that he hadn't asked, that there wasn't knowing at all. Suspecting, perhaps, but not knowing. "Monsters chase you?"

That, too, became the default. Whenever she needed a place to stay, whenever she was scared, she told him of monsters. And he'd said he would chase them away, one day, when he was older and stronger. And he succeeded. He chased _the_ monster away.

He was a hero.

It was a change, living without her hero. Her childhood friend. At first she had mourned, kept his note to her close to her chest. She'd followed the instructions he had given her, almost in a daze. And she didn't know if he knew it when he'd offered her that saving grace, her little boy, but he had once again become a hero. A hero to two people.

Whenever Henry asked of his father, she replied simply that he hadn't only fought for their country but for them. Henry wouldn't understand it, not until he was older, but one day he would understand that his father had brought them together. And this was the most important thing he could do for Regina.

As she awoke, not aching for a first, she wondered if Daniel had pulled the strings on this one, too.

She doubted it. She very much doubted the existence of an afterlife.

But it was nice to think about.

Nicer still to think that this was coincidence. That this had been a choice on both parts.


	21. Chapter 21

It went like this for a while.

Come back from one of two jobs. Stop in to see Henry and Regina. Stay with Henry while Regina went off to work an hour or two, a slow transition back into the world she had been so accustomed to. Worrying about Regina. Playing video games with Henry. Watching a movie with Henry. Letting him fall asleep. Staying for dinner. If there was no work that night, staying with Regina. Morning came. Wash, rinse, repeat.

There was a slow dance in the way that they did this. If Regina came back to her house with dark rings around her eyes, Emma would offer to cook or, more than likely, pick up something to eat. If Emma came to the house stumbling, exhausted from a long drawn out fire or rowdy bar goers, Henry would pick up on it and grab a movie right away so that they could sleep, and Regina would halt her steady movements for the night. Focus on that.

If they were both in bad shape, Henry took the lead and called in pizza. These were the best nights by far, despite that it meant earlier in the day it had been bad. These nights were full of laughter and stories. An attempt to move each other, impress one another.

And then it came to a grinding halt when Henry was back in school.

Perhaps not a grinding halt. It did change, but only because Emma had less of an excuse to go then. Regina would drop Henry off before her shift and then go to the station, and Emma found herself going earlier to the fire hall. She drifted back into the old routine of laying in bed in the morning and hoping for something, anything, to liven up the day.

But there was nothing. She found herself going back to that house not five blocks down the road, found herself sitting next to young Henry trying to finish up homework. She found herself smiling between the two of them and watching Regina much closer than she ever had, listening to every word. And there were some complex ones in there, so Emma felt pretty damned accomplished.

She didn't know what this was. What it was supposed to equate. But she did know that whatever it was, it was good. It was good enough that she could take it in and enjoy it. She didn't know if they were courting each other or already courted. She didn't know whether Henry was somehow becoming a part of her life or not. She didn't know how this was all going to work out.

But she was alright with whatever 'this' was.

She didn't know when another change started to happen. When Regina started to pull away again. When Emma would wrap her arm around the woman and Regina would shrug it off before sighing and reluctantly repeating Emma's last gesture. She didn't know when she started to fall asleep before even a mere kiss had been placed upon lips. It almost seemed like it had been another tide to come in, as though it had switched so seamlessly that there hadn't been a catch, a notice.

Henry noticed. The clever little boy. He noticed but didn't bring it up.

He was trying to patch up something that had started before he had even been born, was trying to fix something that kept tearing because of weak strings.

Emma almost wanted to mourn for him.

And that's what he was attempting when he suggested the park. Emma realized it, and she was sure by the spark in Regina's eyes, in her hesitance, that she realized it too.

"Henry…"

"It'll be fun! We're all off, right Emma?"

He was trying, but pitting them against each other was not the winning strategy. Emma looked over at Regina, who looked so warn out. Her body was slow, her movements equal to what Henry's had been when he'd first gotten home from the hospital. Dark circles. At night, Emma could swear she heard the softest rasping, and oh if that didn't make her body ache for the woman. The mere effort of keeping the ramrod posture seemed to be far too much.

"It'll be like a vacation," Emma offered, smiling a little in her direction. Henry perked up, looking at his mother expectantly.

"I hardly…" Regina started, until her attention was back on Henry and she resigned. She smiled a little at the boy and reached forward, touching his shoulder. "We'll see. Alright, hijo?"

They both knew that 'we'll see' was basically a yes. And she hadn't dismissed Emma, which was certainly better than what could have happened. She allowed her into her bedroom that night, even attempted to be intimate once more, moving her hand under Emma's shirt and trying, trying so damned hard that it hurt. Emma was the one that stopped it.

"Hey. You're tired. Get some sleep."

"I'm next to the amazing flip flopper. You expect me to sleep?"

Emma chuckled. "Yes. Go for it."

Regina sighed but relaxed. Emma found herself wrapping her arms around the woman, humming softly in an attempt to help the process along. Until finally she felt the last resistance go, and sleep fall onto Regina. In it's own way, this too was poetry. A fighting woman who would fall back into rest.

Lord knew she needed it.

The next morning, they both slept in, though Emma occasionally woke to the sound of Henry walking about, his footsteps loud and clomping despite his best efforts to stay silent. Like an elephant that could be heard throughout the jungle. He was hardly a lion cub.

Regina came back into the world slowly, and then so did Emma, their movements triggering one another to get up. Dressing was slow, but Regina eventually found something to wear, and Emma wasn't nearly as picky for a trip to the park.

The drive would have been silent, had it not been for Henry's constant chatter. He was trying, he was trying so hard, and it seemed like it should exhaust him more than it did. Emma simply smiled and chimed in whenever she got the chance, but Regina stayed mostly silent. Which wasn't too weird, Emma supposed. She was exhausted, even if she didn't want to show it. She'd handed Emma the keys without so much as a protest when she had offered to drive. There was still distance, despite the exhaustion, and a blind man could see that.

 _Perhaps I want to see if you'll stay. If you think I'm worth it._

Emma was determined. She was determined to stay as long as Regina would allow.

That didn't make it any easier. Especially when she couldn't pinpoint exactly what was wrong. Maybe it was just exhaustion, but then there was the drawing back that drove her nuts.

 _Things you have to understand before dating someone in public service. 1. They will be exhausted many nights._

But that only explained half of it. Regina had worked in this field for so long, no doubt she understood the toll it took on them. She was trying, sure, maybe even trying as hard as Henry was, but there was still the reluctance at touch, there was a reluctance that Emma didn't understand.

Well, she did understand it. But it was usually her that was reluctant, not the other way around, and it was strange.

When they parked, Henry was already climbing out, grabbing bags of food and jabbering away. He had a soccer ball, he wanted to see how well Emma could play. In his words, he was most definitely the best soccer player in the city, and thus had to make sure he could beat her too.

She'd probably let him win.

"I can grab something," Regina offered, despite the fact that by the time she had actually exited the car she and Henry had grabbed almost everything. The need not to fight won over concern, and she handed the smallest of the pile and shrugged.

"There isn't that much."

Not really the truth. Henry seemed to have packed enough for a month here, when they'd only be there for a few hours at most. She was still trying to figure out how he'd managed to get himself in the car with all the stuff. She opted not to grab half of the things in the car anyways.

Emma attempted to grab for Regina's hand, but she pulled away again. There was a hint of annoyance pinging in Emma's brain, one she didn't want to reside there. It wasn't fair to be annoyed, of course, but it also wasn't fair to Emma. She was doing her best, too.

That withdrawn attitude managed throughout the day, and Emma felt her stomach churn as Henry started to pick up on it. He ended up in the soccer field alone for a while, kicking it to himself while Emma made the slow walk back to Regina. Sitting on a small bench with her head in her hands.

"What's up?"

Regina shook her head in a reply.

"Because you're kind of acting weird. Weirder than usual. And Henry's noticed."

"I know."

"Then why?" She tried to keep hostility out of her voice, it didn't have a place here, but there was the small hint of it. When Henry was involved, Regina became more aware, more like herself. But not now.

"I'm tired, Miss Swan."

"Emma. You started to call me Emma. Why aren't you doing that right now?"

She was met with silence.

"Well?"

"Emma. I'm tired, Emma."

"Is it…" she glanced down, as though indicating her chest, though the act may have been strange to anyone looking upon them. Regina shook her head, not reacting in a way that would tell Emma that she was lying. She'd almost be happier if that was why, because at least Emma could understand that. She could figure it out better.

"Then…"

Regina didn't speak for a long moment, and pushed herself up with far too much effort.

"When we get to the house."

"Why not now?"

Emma wanted to talk about it now, far away from Henry and close enough to the woman so that she knew she wouldn't run away. But this conversation was done. Regina was already walking out to the field and holding up a hand to indicate that Henry should pass it. Henry lit up instantly, grinning and kicking it much softer than he had ever done with Emma. The passes to her had been harsh, challenging. This was a simple game, and he was protecting Regina by making it slower.

He wouldn't admit it if you confronted him about it. Far too much like his mother in that way.

And on its own? The rest of the day wasn't so bad. There was a sour taste in her mouth from whatever they were going to talk about at the house, a bad feeling in her gut, but she wasn't about to ruin the look on the boys face and the almost serene look on Regina's.

The sun set not long after they ate, and Emma didn't even comment when Henry hopped up front after Regina crawled in the back. Her head turned, trying to sleep.

Perhaps that's all it was. Exhaustion.

But they still had to talk.


	22. Chapter 22

_Oh preacher man don't take her 'way from me._

 _I only wanted one_

 _Tonight just set me free._

 _If god doth hate this love_

 _Well god has cursed me so._

 _For in her lips, and in her smile…_

 _Freedom-Yeah freedom…Is all I know…_

Henry had slipped into his bedroom, already knowing where things were going. Or at least, having the idea. He gave Emma a look before he disappeared, his eyes sad and trying to peer into her. There had been a moment of happiness, a piece of joy in the day. He seemed to understand that whatever was about to happen, this was not a good thing. This was not a beautiful thing.

It was something that needed to happen.

Regina had beckoned her into the bedroom where they had shared so many nights together. It had been many months, many more months than Emma had even spent with anyone. Certainly not another woman. Certainly not a person like Regina. She followed reluctantly, not sure what to expect or think out of whatever they were about to talk about. Because she didn't know where this was going. Regina had left no clues.

She closed the door behind them and pursed her lips. A soft sigh escaped them before she made her way over to the bed and patted for Emma to sit down next to her.

"What's going on, Regina?"

She was so tired. There was reluctance in both of them, but Regina's was more obvious. The way every muscle in her back was tense. The raspiness in her breath. Closed eyes.

"Do you know what Henry's name was going to be if he'd happened to be female?"

Random. Very random. And of course Emma wouldn't know, how the hell would she? That wasn't exactly something you asked over dinner conversation. There was a long pause, a signifying that she didn't know what to say to that.

"His name would have been Emma." Emma stared at her long and hard, as if asking if this were some kind of sick joke. She almost laughed, but the look on Regina's face told her that wouldn't be at all wise. "Emma, after a young private that, supposedly, saved my husbands life in Afghanistan. Before, of course, it was taken anyways."

 _Get down, sir! You're hit. Just…Stay still, Stabler…_

"Excuse me?" Emma finally managed to reply, but any confusion was gone from her voice. In fact, she didn't know how to describe the sound that came from her throat. It was disbelieving, sure, but it almost lacked any sort of connection. Almost numb.

"Do you know what Henry's full name is, Emma?"

No. No way in hell.

"Henry Daniel Mills. His name would have been, if my husband had not died, Henry Daniel Stabler-Mills. I never could give up my last name, you know…My father had so much pride in it…"

No. No, no, no. Emma was pushing herself up. She had dealt with a lot of bullshit, but this-This she would not stand for.

"You do not get…You do not get to pull this shit on me Regina, whatever the fuck is going on, I don't-"

"You don't want a part of it. I understand. But you are a part of it, Miss Swan, you-"

"No!" she snarled, her voice raspy. Fuck. She was shaking. Her entire body twitching and moving sporadically, almost in a seizing motion. Her eyes were red, somehow, as though she had cried a thousand tears and fought a thousand more demons. Regina supposed she had.

"Emma, I understand, but you can't-"

"I can't what? Call you out on your bullshit? What, you look up some information on my unit and you decide to pick on old wounds? What the fuck is your problem, Mills?"

"You never told me your unit, Emma."

She took pause in that. She was still shaking, eyes still red and wild, but she didn't say a damned thing for the longest time. The silence was deafening.

"You can still…James could have told you."

"Why on earth would James tell me that information, Emma?"

 _James and her…They're at each others necks._

"Why? Why are you doing this?"

Regina took a long look at Emma, and for a second Emma saw her deflate. She reached into a little box that had been laying on the bed, and pulled out a photo album before handing it to Emma. It carried pictures, so many pictures, of Regina Mills and Daniel Stabler. Children, dating, marriage, honeymoon. So many things that Emma could have inquired about Daniel's life and never had. And then, a note in Regina's hand.

"He wrote to me not long before he died. He had your best interest in mind, Emma."

And there was so much hurt on Regina's face, as though she had been blown a low blow too. Emma couldn't pin point why. She took the note, hesitantly, and unfolded it. The scratch was barely legible to Emma, but years of deciphering made it easier.

"He told me that there was a young girl in his unit that had gotten into trouble. Asked me to check on her in New York."

"You never checked on me…"

"Not up close. I watched from afar. If that was his dying wish, than I'd fulfill it…"

Emma handed the note back, carefully, as though it were fine china instead of paper. Perhaps it was. In it lay, potentially, the last words Regina had ever heard from her husband. And these words were something that Emma could hold onto from her NCO.

"And then you took in Henry, when I couldn't…"

Regina nodded slowly.

"That's my son up there…That could have been my son…"

The darkness clouded in with the silence, mixing and matching itself. Piecing itself together. So much darkness, so much silence. So much pain. Too much for one room. Regina could almost feel it bulging from the pressure.

"Why?"

"He was the last piece of my husband…And I'd always wanted a child…"

"So soon after…After what happened?"

"Sometimes, we have to do what's best for a child. Sometimes we need to put our own pain behind us."

She could imagine Regina sitting with Henry, tears running down her face. And oh how grateful she was, despite her reaction. How many times had she hesitated, thought about what could happen to her child if he had ended up in the system? But no. He had landed in Regina's arms instead. He had had a good life, a much better life than she could have imagined for herself.

"How long have you known?"

"That you were the woman from all those years ago? A very short period of time."

"You thought I was going to take him from you," Emma observed, almost in a state of wonder. How crazy would that be? A child half an adult suddenly wanting to be in her arms instead.

"It was a closed adoption. I had no fear of that. I feared you'd try. But you'd never succeed in that aspect."

It wasn't rude, not really. An observation of fact. Of course Emma wouldn't be successful, she'd given up her title all those years ago. And now she had squirmed in, without her own knowledge of doing so. No wonder she had been so afraid. So angry.

"I don't… I don't want to take him from you."

Regina sighed in relief, and nodded. It seemed as though this were wearing on her heavily, as though it were something that she had thought of far too often.

"This is fucked up," Emma observed, blinking. Regina cracked a smile and nodded, rubbing her eyes.

"It's about to get a little more so, Emma…"

And how more fucked up could it get? Emma couldn't pinpoint whatever else was bothering the woman, but surely it couldn't be any worse than this bombshell. It felt as though it had taken out her entire village of a life, and while she had the urge to run away, she found herself planted. Whatever roots had grown in this place would keep her here until someone tore at them with the worlds sharpest knife. Because she found that she didn't want to leave, even with this information. It wasn't what had hooked her.

But it wouldn't draw her away. She was not a fish.

"What do you mean?"

Regina closed her eyes and laid back, welcoming Emma to join her. Without further clarification, Emma walked up slowly and wrapped her arms around her, almost cradling.

"I'm ill, Emma."

"I know. That's kind of how this whole thing started, isn't it?"

Regina smiled a little and then shook her head. No. It had started because of a hurt boy and two people who worked well together sharing a drink. It had started because of a dance and a night alone. It had started because of everything falling into place.

"I mean…I'm very ill, Emma. There's a lot of problems. And they're going to get worse. I fear…"

"What?" Emma asked, opening her eyes to look at the woman in front of her.

"I don't know how much more damage my body can take. I've…There's a chance…"

"What?"

"There's always the possibility, with scarring, that your lungs can cease function. You know how it works."

There were sacs in the lungs that constricted and dilated to bring in O2, that could lost their elasticity. There was the chance of them filling up with the body's own water, drowning yourself without ever getting wet. There was the chance that the heart could work too hard too fast, and cease function.

"But you've got it under control, right?"

"As well as I can. There's so much that's happened, I don't-"

"No."

"Emma, you just have to be aware-"

"No. Tomorrow. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Maybe. But you'll be fine."

Regina chuckled at that.

"I didn't realize you got your PHD in a day."

"I didn't. But you're airs still going in and out, bloods still going round and round. So you're okay for now. That's how we BLS kids do it."

Regina sighed, but said nothing else for a very long time. Almost until Emma had drifted away.

"The thing about BLS is that people usually die in a hospital. Not an ambulance."

And perhaps she had a point.


	23. Chapter 23

_Samson came to my bed, told me that my hair was red...Told me that I was beautiful, and went right back to bed. I cut his hair myself one night, a pair of old scissors in the yellow light…He told me that I'd done alright, and kissed me til the morning light._

There were periods of waking up and assessing the situation, of listening to Regina's breathing without meaning to. Often times, Emma found that when she awoke, Regina was awake too, her eyes slits staring into the darkness around them. No other signs present. She was used to listening, the both of them were.

"Did you sleep with him?" Regina asked when Emma awoke again, and had shifted to make sure they were still interlocked. Her voice didn't crack. Whatever wound she had about this, she didn't want to show.

"Who?"

"Daniel. Did you sleep with him?"

A jolt of electricity through her mind, as though more pieces were fitting in. Had she wondered about this for twelve years? Had this been her concern since his passing? Had she thought of this whilest holding Henry?

"No! No, Regina..."

"Then Henry was a result of…"

"Cassidy. Neal Cassidy. He was…He was our CO…"

The sound she was met with was steady breathing, which was much better than the other option. Regina didn't draw in closer, though to be truthful they were so close already it felt as if their cells would merge. As if every space between them would be filled.

"Daniel was just so protective…When he wrote me about you…"

"He was of everyone. But we had the same background, so I think…I think he wanted to take care of me because no one else ever had." The tension in the room was starting to go away, for it had stayed longer than it should have. "He was in love with you. On the ground, when he took that bullet, that's all he was thinking of. He told me that if anything happened, he didn't know what he'd do, he started to panic. Stabler never panicked."

 _We have shit to do, Emma, I need to get back to the States, please, please, fix this…_

 _Yeah, sir, I know. You aren't dying today, alright?_

Tourniquet and tears. He was in a hospital bed for a short time after, but then he was back in the field. Emma sometimes wondered what would have happened if instead, he'd been sent back home. She would have been screwed, surely, as he couldn't have guided her. But he would have still been alive, and there was so much that could have happened in that time.

In a different place, in a different time, Emma might have been a friend to this family instead of a lover of his wife.

It was twelve years ago, Emma told herself, and shut her eyes. She'd have to convince herself that it mattered a great many times over.

Regina had finally shut her eyes again, relaxed into the woman. Like children, they stayed close together. Two war torn females, two different wars. Perhaps that was the point. Coming together after tragedy in an attempt to fix each other.

There was no fixing, but there was an attempt.

"This changes everything, doesn't it?" Regina asked. "I tried not to think about everything when he was growing up, but I did. And I thought about it when I realized…When I realized who you were, all I wanted to do was ask, but you crawled in and you made me care about you. And I don't know how to feel about that."

"Why?" Emma would have propped herself up, but she felt good here, even though she knew there was more conversation to be had that she didn't want to touch.

"Everyone I care about gets hurt, one way or another."

"That's being human…"

"But I fear it will be my fault, this time. I'll hurt you and Henry. Because I let you get to close, and I can't bear to pull away."

Time in this world was so delicate, so easy to destroy. One moment you're around, the next you're dying, and who knows how many years or seconds you have before your time is up. But Emma didn't want to think of it, didn't want to dwell. There was so much stupidity in this world, but she didn't want to linger on that, though of course she would have to face it soon.

"Did someone tell you that you're dying?" She wanted to punch that person in the face and tell them to shut the hell up. Wanted to tell them to go to hell, and to fuck off. Because what did they know, what did they understand about the human spirit, the need to survive? Regina had to survive, because that's what she'd been doing her whole life, and how ironic would it be if the one that had dedicated their whole life to saving lives would die because of something stupid?

"Whale. Not dying, per say. But I'm not getting any better. And I know how these things go."

Declining health, inability to keep up. Emma had seen COPD patients in New York, and how often had she asked if the mask and the oxygen being forced down their throat was worth it? She had seen heart failure, the bubbling at the mouth, such an ugly thing. Fixing it for them was driving faster, but she'd tried not to think of what happened when they dropped the patient off. Tried not to think of family mourning or patients attempting to stay swimming.

 _Why do bad things happen to good people, Stabler?_

 _Because, Swan. We're animals. And nature does not give one fuck about whether we're good or bad._

"Why did you tell me? Why me?"

There was a long, drawn out silence, as though Regina was picking her words out carefully. And perhaps she had to. This had been a lot to drop on Emma, and she wasn't sure if she could hold it all on her shoulders alone. Part of the load they could bare together, but this last part, the part about dying and all that other bullshit, the stuff that Emma didn't want to face, that was her load. And she wanted to carry it, she did, but she didn't know if she could haul it up a mountain.

"Because if anything happens, I need to know you're alright. And that my son is as well."

Another hundred pounds, a straw on the camels back, and she felt as though she would collapse under the weight of it.

"You want me to take care of Henry if anything happens to you?" she asked, her voice suddenly very thin and weary.

"I don't expect you to. Just to check in on him once and a while. He's grown fond of you, Emma."

And there was another line under there. He can't loose both mothers, even if he's unaware that she is one. Emma felt as though she were running with no clear destination, or a destination in mind with no clear path. It was a foggy road, and slowing down wouldn't help it. Because there was no way of telling how fast time was going on this route.

"Will he ever know? That I am who I am?"

"That's you're call. I don't really care how you go about it, so long as you don't hurt him. Don't tell him and run away. On the same card, don't keep getting closer to him if you don't plan on staying."

To not get closer to him was to not stay by Regina, and as much as this whole thing terrified her, as much as it struck flight into her bones, she was still rooted here. And she couldn't sprint away, no matter how much she wanted to.

"You aren't going to die, Regina. So that won't be a problem."

"You're still in his life so long as you're in mine. So either way, you'll have to decide."

Emma placed a hand on her chest, feeling Regina's heart beneath the skin. Feeling it rise and fall, still breathing, still alive. Decisions were not her strong suit, at least not in life. On the field, Cassidy had said she'd be a fine officer should she decide to pursue it, but here, in the real world, it was harder. The decisions on a field were primal, made fast. Here she had time to think, and thinking was her worst enemy.

It gave her time to second guess herself.

Fuck.

"You don't have to decide tonight. I know it's a lot to take in."

No shit.

"Let's just stay like this for a little while. Okay? Is that okay?"

A slow nod.

"Okay…"

And there was a pause in this run, a catching of breath. A pause that would last a while, at least. That would last for tonight.


End file.
